Oblivion vs. Obliteration

My greatest fears are either oblivion or obliteration. Both are similar concepts. One, you are entirely forgotten, left to wither away in secrecy and obscurity while the world continues along properly. The other, destruction. Destroying the things that make us alive. Our soul ripped to pieces and our ideas left to amass and wither and dry up. Our laugh smashed up as it rings only thoughtfully through the air. 

These are the things I fear the most. 

One cannot say one is more terrible than the other. Both result in the decline of oneself. But, the matter in which these things occur can be justified as more or less horrific. 

Oblivion is opposition based. Why, you cannot simply forget yourself out of existence. It's usually the people, the surroundings that undo your charisma and character. They take from you what they need and then dispose of your lifelessness. Oblivion is watching the world you love forget to love you. It's crying the dark, only it's light. Oblivion is trying to feel whole in a lego land where parts are stripped and re purposed or disposed of or even lost. And that's the worst of it. Being lost. So far lost that when you call our for help your echo is the only response. Being lost in the woods and words for years when it's only been days. 

You even forget yourself by association. 

Of course, Obliteration is no different. The darkest corner of existence begins with obliteration. For obliteration is self destruction. You yourself are washing yourself from the world. Whether is be drugs or razors, you are the cause of your destruction. And even though you try and halt the wrecking ball and you cry, obliteration is in entirety. You are destroying your body and eventually your mind but you can't stop. The dynamite has been lit and cave is about to crumble. And all you can do it watch. 

My fear and anxiety eating me alive inside and out until I obliterate my senses and cease to move. Until my brain is no longer rambunctious. Until my heart is no longer timely. Until I am DOA by making myself pay.  

I fear for these two. Fear for them raging against each other inside my temple. I feel as though I have no control of whether I'm lost or fallen. 

But, I've learned the first step is to be aware of this. These. The darkness. Understand your fears, your oblivion and obliteration. Understand that you must be the one to conquer them. Whether it be to finally stop trying to destroy your concrete foundation; whether it be to scream so loud that you will be noticed. Do it. Do it for yourself.

You can fear oblivion. You can fear obliteration. You fear whatever you like. 

But make sure you make it fear you.