Omen

    Today i found out i was pregnant . I already knew but i tried to cover up and told my abusive boyfriend i was sick with the flu . Waking up in the middle of the night to throw up ,and craving Twinkies at 4 am was a little too obvious ,but like i said i played it off. He didn't want kids,he said he'd kill me if i ever was.. I just kept my mouth shut most of the time and i dealt with his negativity the majority. I know i sound like such a crazy person, to stay with a man who abused me "mentally" ,but i couldn't leave him. You dont understand he was never like this, he wasn't the monster that you think he is. 

         I woke up from the sounds of a baby cry and realized it was just a dream. I guess my motherly instincts . I turned around and my boyfriend asleep facing the wall. I turn back and check the time. 3 am ,and suddenly i have the urge to go throw up. I toss the empty twinky boxes with my foot and run to the bathroom in my room. I felt relieved and prayed that he wouldn't wake up. Day 2 i thought what am i going to do when i cant hide my belly? "couggghhughhh" my heart sank, "dont wake up i told myself" Thank god, he just coughed and went back to sleep.

          The next morning I woke up to find Eric sitting by the edge of the bed with his hands touching his face. On the floor was the paper box that determined i was pregnant...he found it. " I can...." "EXPLAIN WHAAAAT?!" he shouted out of anger. "You know we cant have baby, you cant let the baby go through what happened to me..." he was turning red and i hovered under the blankets and pulling away. He got closer and closer and my eyes widen. He closed his eyes and opened them slowly then leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. "You know what you have to do"and then he walked out. 

                Thats what i meant by how  he abuses me mentally. He never hits me...he just makes it seem like he is. He gets mad very easily, and loud sounds. A couple of years ago i found him on the floor by the a board called the ouji board. I feel like something went inside him and changed who he was. He was never a mad man. His brother died about a year ago and he was very devastated, so i understood why he used it. But after that one night ............it all just started my nightmare. Thats why i feel like i cant leave him would you?

                  Day 3 Today my bf looked at my belly  like if he was an insect focusing on something he wanted to take blood from. I turned around and ignored that he was their. "Bahaa" he laughed. "Oh silly silly little girl, i can smell the baby..i told you to get rid of it". I  proceeded to throw on my sweater the other direction. "Look babe, if you dont get rid of it, an omen is going to get attached to it like it di....." He stopped talking and then said "Just go get rid of it!" What did he mean?  As i walked out the door , i saw an empty tall candle on the table and on it was a picture of Brian. Brain was Erics brother who died last year.

                   Day 4 I made the appointment at the abortion clinic without wanting too. Sometimes you have to face your fears, but going inside would be the biggest challenge of all. I sat on the blue chair, the lights were dimmed a little and their was a lady across from me reading a magazine that had a religious symbol at the front page. She looked about 5 months and i was in disgust. "Cora May?" they called my name and off i was. I cant go into detail with the procedure because im too in shocked to begin. I didn't want to do it, but the omen....eric i feared for my life and it was the best thing to do. I was sadden but in ways i felt so selfish ..please understand......

                     Day 5  I woke up to baby cries again, but i just assumed it was me over thinking tragic events in my head from fear earlier. But the crying got louder and louder as i tossed and turned on my bed. I screamed sooo loud i felt like i lost my breath and i couldn't even talk.  I  looked the other way copping my hands on my mouthing just hoping i didn't wake up Eric. God i dont know what would happen if he woke up. But their he was......not asleep but dead. He was covered in his own blood and once again i began to panic and as i made my way off the bed i saw the ouji board by him and a candle with his brothers face on a the picture. I heard the sound of that frantic baby cry fill up the room and i ran out the house. When i called 911 and explained to them what had happened they looked at me strange. They took my bfs body away and from their i became silent.  

               Day5 Today i got a call from the abortion clinic and they explained to me that they never took the baby out. Something went wrong and they thought that they did. They asked if me if i wanted to reschedule but i was sadden and confused from everything that i just hanged up. Im still lost and confused but maybe Eric died because of the baby? No no that sounds stupid. I never got an answer not even during the autopsy. But on the body they did find a carving on his back that read "Baby". It threw me off a bit, but i ignored it like i did through out everything. Months later i gave birth to a beautiful baby girl who actually looked allot like Eric. I named her Hope, but sometimes when i look at her i feel something evil, just by the way she glares into my eyes. Sometimes i feel as if Eric or maybe even some Omen . Im crazy though...........................Just look at me?