The Riddle

The disco-themed dance was in full swing at the Windfall Tavern, with college kids and senior citizens clashing. It's Friday night in this small working class town of Windfall. My friends Xavier and Morris were visiting me for the weekend. They drove three hours to come and help me finish the rest of my house reno. The three of us arrived at the tavern in my truck, decked out in our cleanest dirty jeans and work shirts. We wore vests to cover the rips and sweat stains. We looked more like cowboys than disco dancers. But, we couldn't care less.

I looked around the lot for Ingrid's car, but it was nowhere in sight. I hoped with a dying man's hope that she'd be at the dance. I had asked her out numerous times, but she always answered with a riddle. The last doozy flummoxed me and I was determined to get to the bottom of it. "So, what did this woman say to you again? Dude, you're a mess about it." said Morris. "When I asked her out, just for a little cup o' coffee, she said 'when the sum of culminated isotopes in a neutron is seen, what then is the proton's mean?' Like, what? All I could do was tell her how pretty she is."

Xavier and Morris laughed. "Man, I'm glad I'm not you." said Xavier. "That is a blow-off that bites!"

He was right. I should be angry about it but, I knew I wasn't going to give up. We strode into the tavern and were immediately hit by the pulsating beat of 'Stayin' Alive'. Bright, spinning lights that hit every square inch of the place, a make-shift lighted dais and a huge disco ball hung ten feet up. We couldn't believe our eyes. Everyone, I mean everyone in the place, wore 70's garb. Satin shirts, polyester and denim bell bottoms, gowns and dresses that screamed decadence. Even the old mill workers were decked out accordingly. "This is still 2016, right?" Morris asked. "Or did we just stumble into a portal to the 70's?"

"Let's ask the bartender." I said. We sat at the bar and ordered beers. We looked around and secretly asked ourselves why we were there. I looked at the entrance and my eyes widened. Ingrid walked in, wearing a knock-out white dress, white heels and a red leather jacket. Her hair wasn't teased up like all the other women had done. She wore her brown hair long and straight. She had a bit of rouge and eyeliner. She was drop-dead gorgeous. "Tell me that's not the girl you told us about." said Xavier. "That's her, boys."

"Ohhhh..." Morris moaned. "Excuse me, gentlemen." I said. "I have a date with destiny." The guys jeered and tried to distract me. "Twenty bucks says you'll be back in less than a minute!" Morris hollered.

I walk to Ingrid's table where she was joined by two other girls who looked even more like Stephanie in Saturday Night Fever. "Hi, ladies! Ingrid."

"Hi." they answered, obviously uninterested.

"You ladies look great. Ingrid, very 70's, but very modern."

She laughed. "Thanks. You look good yourself. But, I think you'd look better in Urban Cowboy." she said, drawing laughs from her friends.

"Oh, yes. Well, this was all I could put on in such short notice." I said, pulling out my gold cross.

"Wow!" exclaimed Ingrid. "That's one gi-normous crucifix! Were you expecting vampires here tonight?"

Ingrid and her friends laughed even louder. I immediately tucked away the cross and tried to compose myself. I was waiting to be shot down in flames before I even tried a move. So, I kept talking.

"No. Of course not. But, I was expecting to see beauties tonight. And I was right." 

"Awww, that's so sweet." 

"Also, I wanted to talk to you about that riddle."

Ingrid stared at me. Her hazel eyes were bright in the flashing lights.

"Okay."

"Well, I'm no scientist but, I think that's impossible to find out."

"Hmmm. What if I told you that it is possible?"

"Huh? Are you kidding? A proton is more minute than a neutron! I say that's impossible!"

"Really. Maybe I'll have to explain it to you sometime."

I thought Ingrid was teasing again.

"I'm sorry." she said. "I have a habit of doing that."

"Well, we are at a dance..." I said. I was going to bite the bullet and use the forceful approach. "So, you either came here to dance or talk complete crap. Which is it gonna be?"

Her friends gasped. Ingrid didn't flinch. She looked right at me and I was ready to be torn to shreds.

She got up, walked up to me and took my arm. "Dance."

I started breathing again. As I led Ingrid to the dance floor, I could see Xavier and Morris shaking their heads in disbelief. I smiled at them.

That was my first unofficial date with Ingrid.

When I walked her to her door she said she had another riddle for me. "What is it?" I asked with dread. 

"What do you call a pair of tulips that are planted together?"