Black Forest (ch. 1)

I was hard at work at Oak Hill Lodge, a hunting and fishing camp in northwestern Ontario. It was June 21, 2008 - Solstice Day. I got up at 6 a.m. and I could hear the coffee maker firing up. I set the timer for 6 o'clock. The wonders of technology. My dad would say. I sure missed him. I wished he was still around to work with me at the camp.  A lengthy bout with pneumonia would not let him. But, I knew he was with me in spirit. He had worked at Oak Hill for many years, long before I could pick up a hammer. I remember waiting for his return home everyday because he'd always bring back a box full of goodies. Pastries, candy, ice cream, sodas...you know, life's nessessities for kids my age.

But, of course, he was sure to include "adult food" like bread, eggs, meat, vegetables, soups, flour, etc. I would ignore that stuff until I was really hungry, or until my stomach couldn't stomach any more soda and sweets. I was basically a spoiled kid.  i usually got what I wanted without so much as a 'please'. As terrible as I was, I did my best to pull my weight around the house and perform chores. Being the only child, I had no choice. If I did have siblings, I probably would have made them do my chores. 

As I grew into my teens, I helped Dad with more strenuous and heavy work, such as going out into the bush to get trees for firewood. It was hard and painstaking work, but it was very rewarding. I always felt a sense of profound purpose in life and the ways we mastered to sustain ourselves. When I look back on those sepia years I still have that sense of profound purpose.

Now I'm working alone at the camp, but Ned Peters, the boss, brings in an extra hand from time to time. And on that day, the longest day of the year, he didn't. I was helping a mason who was hired to build a fireplace in the lodge den. And it wasn't going to be your typical red brick fireplace, this was going to be from a bygone colonial era, so to speak. Ned wanted an old-fashioned cobblestone fireplace to go with the wood panel walls. He wanted that mountain cabin feel. Ned kind of fancied himself as a frontiersman or a pioneer. After all, he was always off somewhere on his boat to "explore" new lakes and islands and to find hunting grounds. He was a seasoned hunter, trapper and fishernan at 45. He'd be in excellent shape, if it were not for the prominant beer gut. He looked older, with his once blond hair now silvery and his face weather-worn, but he was strong and energetic. An all around nice guy. Then I met his wife, Gin (short for Ginette). I was blown away. She. Was. Beautiful. She was dark-haired, with a style similar to Sandra Bullock's in her early years. Perfect complexion and a beaming smile that would make your day. Her deep brown eyes brightened whenever she smiled or laughed. And her body...I could crawl for miles in the treacherous wilderness just to get a glimpse of her. 'Get a grip on yourself.' 

We immediately hit it off and I knew I was going to do the best job I can at Oak Hill. I wanted her full confidence and maybe her attention, too. I could not help it. Whatever I was doing, whether it was mowing, painting, hauling wood, trash and furniture or fighting off all kinds of flying insects, Gin was on my mind. Whenever I took a break she was there and we'd just sit and talk about everything under the sun. I loved it when she laughed at something that wasn't so funny. She wasn't flagrant or facetious in any way, considering her gorgeous looks. She was a genuine sweetheart. And she was my boss.

"Ever get tired of this place?" Gin asked, searching my eyes for the truth. "Not really. This is like my second home." I said simply.

"Come on. Really?"

"Yeah. I've been here since I was, like 16. I worked with my dad whenever I could. I had another job, as a personal support worker. That was a busier job. I'd usually come here on weekends. It was great working with my dad. Sometimes not so great (laughing). I was quite the joker. I loved cracking stupid jokes at my dad's expense. I was a thorn in his side. Whenever I did something incredibly dumb I'd just laugh it off, while my dad glared at me like he wanted to kick my ass."

"Bad boy."

"But, it was all good. It was fun. We had our moments. But, at the end of the day we breathed easy. Dad took it all in stride. He'd forget all the shit he put up with at work. Then it'd start again the next day." 

I laughed and was momentarily lost in one particular memory. I remembered a story that my dad relayed to me. He'd heard of a couple that got lost while hiking, not far from Oak Hlll. They were missing for three days until they were found on a tiny island, starving and gaunt in appearance. Members of the search party asked the young couple how they ended up on the island. They looked at each other, dumbfounded. The leader of the search party told them they were very lucky. If they had stayed on the mainland, they would have been cut down by a vicious pack of wolves that claimed at least two lives in the past six years. The pack was spotted the day before, not too far from where the couple left the nature trail. They had no idea how they got to the isle. Somehow I think there was more to the story. I wanted to tell it to Gin, but then we heard Ned coming, whistling a tune. Another time maybe.

"Great job today, Mike!" exclaimed Ned. He pulled out a cigarette and offered me one.

"No, thanks. I quit again."

"Oh..good for you. Thanks for helping us with the rocks and cement, man. I woulda helped you, but my back's been givin' me hell lately."

"You're welcome, Ned. Yeah, it was a tough one today. I'll probably feel it in the morning."

"Aww, I doubt it." he scoffed. "You're young and in better shape than I am. You're only...how old are you again?"

"Thirty-four."

"Thirty-four?! I'd give my right arm to be thirty-four again!"

"You're not that old, Ned." I reassured him. "Hey, we're the same age. I've forgotten about that." Gin interjected, smiling fondly.

"Yeah, and she's married to this old warhorse, boy! Guess I'm just lucky." Ned puffed his cigarette and smiled. It was a smile that told me unequivocally that he is lucky. And in that moment I truly envied him. But, when he looked at his wife and his smile brightened I stopped thinking about myself. And all those thoughts of stealing her away from him vanished. I thought of the few intimate moments Gin and I had where things could have seriously heated up. But, then I could be wrong. Why would she jeopardize all that she has for an affair that wouldn't stay hidden for long? Why did she spend so much time with me? Why did she have to look so beautiful? Why was she married? These questions whirled in my mind as I sat there. All I could do was get up from my chair and fish my car keys out of my pocket. Before I could say anything, Ned shook my hand. "See you tomorrow then, buddy?"

"See you tomorrow." I said.

"Alright then. I'll be a little late for supper, hon. Gotta see a guest."

"Okay." Gin answered.

As Ned disappeared into one of the cabins, Gin turned to me and smiled, with the setting sunlight accentuating her brown eyes. "Well, that was a long day, wasn't it." she said.

"Sure was."

"You're the hardest worker I've seen, Mike. And you're also my favorite."

"Thanks, Gin. And you're my favorite boss."

She laughed and gave me a hug. I felt a tremendous surge in me, wanting to reveal to her and the world, my true feelings. It was pure agony, but I fought it. I fought hard and won. 'No. No way!'

And I still fight. I think of that story that my dad told me. Maybe I should go into the woods and get lost. In the black forest. And maybe, just maybe, I'll end up somewhere where those wolves...those thoughts and desires...won't get me.