The Ugly Truth

               the cigarette almost burned my fucking finger, because i wasn't paying attention. The ashes sprinkled onto the floor like fragile practicals that screamed cancer. I put the rest away and stashed it into my knit "granny" style sweater, because i wasn't sure if i really to spend more money on a box. Sorry, i forgot to introduce myself. My name is Ana please dont call me Ana Banana.Im about to tell you the most utterly heart breaking story known to man...or woman whatever. 

             I worked in a small pub in a shit town i called home. I was the bar tender and on occasions a dancer but nothing im quite proud of. At this time i desperate for me,and if i had to dance i would. I didn't sleep with my client if thats what your thinking okay? I wasn't a prostitute but it was something i did on the side,and nobody knew. I bartended mostly on weekends since i was the best one yet,and being a female that was a huge plus. I lived across the place so travel wasn't far plus i got a good deal for rent. My family and i? didn't talk much. I left home at 18 and tried moving out to Cali. Yes i know the big American Hollywood dream right? I told them i was running away to be a musician.They laughed at my face and said, "Good luck". I wish i would have accepted their luck since im no where near Cali, and i been here at this shit whole for almost 4 years.

                I have been saving up since day one and i kept a a tall jar of money under my bed. It read CALI in caps because that was the only thing i had no shame in. Anyway, i went to work today, another night, another dollar and almost another dream i cant let be broken. Bartending ..made a few mixed drinks to a gentlemen and off he went. For some reason work was slow today. "Yep Sheryl this is the place, and thats Ana the bartender" i over heard the boss say. I smiled as i saw the new girl. Blondie in the tight black skirt and black tank. "I'll be here tomorrow", said the lady. Her voice faded and out the door i heard her pumps exit the door. I stayed in the spot and cleaned the beer cups.  Joe the manager came in my way and sat at the bar stool. "Looking good Ana", he said. I nearly jumped i didn't see him till then. "Soooo we're getting a new girl?", i asked. "Yeah shes a hottie isn't she?!" but i kept my silence and kept on cleaning the cups. "Your a hottie too.....go dance for me..."he said. "But i cant", i implied. " How much do you have saved?", he asked.

               You know what happened next. I danced for what seemed like hours on a dirty pole like i have been doing before. I cried baby tears and he reassured me i was doing a good job. I hated dancing okay? i needed the money, and apparently i wasn't that good of a bartender as i thought. It was over and i got paid. I had enough money and i left early the next morning. I called my family and told them i finally made it,but i didn't them how or when...it was my dirty little secret. It was tragic, it was a love story between me, myself,and i and my biggest passion. I smoked the last bit of cigarette i had left in my pocket, and only because it worth it.