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Have you ever been talking to your boyfriend and you know things haven't been going as smooth as you want, and he starts talking at the first thing he says is, "So I've been thinking a lot lately" or "I think we need to talk about us" and in that instant your whole body starts to feel heavy and you can feel that weird uncomfortable rush that goes straight to your chest? It's like you can literally feel your heart breaking. You love him so much too. Every little thing about him drives you crazy and you take random pictures of him while they are watching TV or eating or playing on his phone, then sometimes when you're feeling low you look at those pictures and they make all the bad thoughts and feelings go away. When he starts to tell you that he doesn't love you or want you anymore, you instantly feel so vulnerable and alone. You feel like you're a thousand miles below the surface and the pressure builds up on your chest and the next thing you know, your face is covered in tears and you're so shocked that you can't even speak. That lump stuck in your throat begins to hurt so bad, and you grab your chest, your heart is beating a million miles an hour, likes its trying to jump out of your body and latch onto him. It sucks. It hurts, and you can't do or say anything to make him stay. Your eyes are so sad and you can't even blink. Eventually he leaves and as they are leaving, all of the sound is drowned from the world and all you can hear is your own heart beat, you stare off into no where thinking back at all the times he made you laugh, smile, giggle, angry, sad, confused. Then days pass and you're still cooped up in your house. The dishes aren't done, the laundry is still in the washer, your mail box is full, you have 5 voice mails and 10 unread test messages from family and friends. You haven't showered in a week. Just when you think you have the strength to get out of bed, put normal clothes on and make something out of your day, the smell of him is still on the pillow, his t-shirt is lying on the floor. Then the tears come again, it makes you sick to your stomach when you think about that moment he left. It breaks your heart over again. And once more, you cry yourself to sleep because when your asleep it's the only place where it doesn't hurt anymore.