To Find Out

To find out someday, soon..
You'll be gone...
Doesn't make me feel regret
For any of my doings, or wrongs
But guilt, and empathy 
But don't get it twisted
Part of this is for you to take accountability 
I have no sorrow, or sympathy 
I have.. the failed life decisions 
I have.. the twisted last minute choices 
I have the lingering voices..
I have everything you passed along.
You taught me how to be depressed 
You taught me how to feel unblessed 
You taught me everything I didn't need to know..
But I guess, you were still there
It's hard for me to find out
That one day soon, you'll be gone
You'll still be my mother 
But also a complex, memory 
For we are bonded by blood 
But enemies due to our history
To find out you're going to be gone
Somewhere far far away
Kinda leaves me with not much to say 
You have two fully grown children, 
And that's still not enough for you 
To want to fight and stay
Instead you want to give up
And die miserably 
That's not something I want to witness 
You're a bag of skin and bones
Barely anything there to perish
What happened to the woman
I once loved, and cherished?
The mother I once had, 
Who made my heart feel whole
The mom I was starting to get
That's the person I want to remember 
Not this version of you, or her
That is going to leave me 
Permanently, without hesitation 
Leaving my heart, broken and dismembered 
I'm supposed to be your daughter 
Your first born
Guess that means nothing to you 
Because this is the day
I had to find out
That one day soon, you'll be gone
and the only person I'm going 
To truly miss,
Is the mom I've always;
Ever dreamt about.

S.A.D. 
10/20/2025