Poem -

A Gilded Chain

A Gilded Chain

I used to be free.
I used to run around, indifferent to the world.
I neither cared nor bothered, to find the light,
to seek it out and take it, to savor it,
but then I found her, and the world changed,
We were swimming in the void, lost,
uncaring for all around us, floating barely above the waters,
Neither seeking nor sinking, but balanced.
Until a stone's throw set us together, and I saw her.
Truly, for the first time, I saw her.
Within her I saw me, and within me, her.
In such a way we were bound, by virtue of unity,
two souls floating together.
But, nothing became a raincloud, pouring on her,
a waterfall and riptide together warring against her,
And she began to sink. And I panicked.
Desperately, I sought the light, found it,
gave it to her, showed her the sun,
to buoy her above the rising waterline.
I opened myself to her, let her see my little light,
let myself belong to her, lest we sank together.
Between us, there I forged a chain,
So that, should we sink or swim, we would go together.
I chained myself to her, so that if she could not swim,
I could pull her up, She could stand on my shoulders,
She could take my light. I was desperate indeed.
But, after the rainstorm ended, and the tides had settled,
we floated once more on even keel, and she looked at me,
her eyes were distant, questioning.
In them I found no answer though. 
I feel it still, a pull every now and then,
as if, even though she walks away, 
Perhaps she thinks of me, perhaps she remembers,
maybe there is hope, 
And if she decides to sever it, I will cope.
But for now, I will follow, I will obey.
The chain will be my leash, and I shall heel.
A little tug in my heart the only indicator of what I felt,
which, pulsing, has cooled into something more permanent.
It is not bright passion which chains me any longer,
but something else I cannot place,
A feeling, a surety, a hope.
That the chain can remain unbroken,
that I can be by her side, that she can lean on me,
That she can stand upon me if the water starts to rise,
That she could trust me to keep her up.
But I wait, patiently, unsure.
Because the greatest fear I feel, above death or pain,
Is that she is not the same, that I am not needed,
But rather an unwelcome burden,
That rather than A balloon, I might be an anchor,
Dragging her to the bottom yet again.
But I cannot do anything. I cannot ask,
Cannot request, cannot sever it for my life.
Because I know perfectly well, In my case,
that If it breaks on its own,
One of us shall hang by it. 
Let it be me who suffers,
While she finds the light on her own.
Such is my prayer,
should all go wrong.
Let her be stronger than I ever could be,
Let her find the way out,
even if she must step over me to do so.
Let me stay here where I belong,
while she returns to where she shouldn't have left.
Let her find the light. My sole wish,
Desperate as it is,
Let her be Free.
While I hang by a gilded chain.
 

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