A Lock w/o a Key.

I wake up feeling like the world is on my shoulders, along with the feelings of being dragged deep into a world of fear and disaster. That's what it feels like everyday. Constant thoughts of tragedy and failure linger in my mind. My head overflowing with self doubt, I force myself to loop moments of negativity. I question if I'm being rational but it seems impossible to trust others and ultimately making it impossible to trust myself. I look outside and my will to live without an audience chains itself to the hinges of my mind. I'm trapped and there's no escaping. There are no doors or exits when it comes to the brain. Just mirrors reflecting all of my flaws. Putting all my fears on display. I wake up feeling suffocated from drowning in cold sweats and warm tears. It's never ending and my emotions heighten with every hello and every goodbye. So I run. I choose not to interact because I do not want to get hurt or worse, hurt someone else by inviting them in. It's dark. Cold, freezing temperatures that will burn you alive if unarmed. That's exactly how I know I'm going to get hurt. I need people to fight me. I need help freeing myself from the cage I've nailed shut and buried deep. See fear is suppose to be felt but unfortunately I've let it drive my choices. I've allowed fear to take over and kill me alive. Robbing yourself of happiness is something I would never wish upon anyone not even myself. I can't help it. It's instinct or at least it feels like it. Sad thing, is that I know I have to be the one who free myself. I have to be my own hero. I've lost every time and it is evident because I am alone. Alone in this world. And one night, after falling asleep I didn't wake up. I didn't die. I just didn't wake up.