A Never Ending Battle

I never thought I’d be the one to say it. That same old record of pain was my heart playing. I’ve been shot many times yet my soul refuses to leave. It feels like I’ve been shot in the head and it never healed, so it still bleeds. I believe my heart is still there. It feels stripped, barely here or just bare. 

Some people will never know how much you’ve hurt, before they say they want what you got. They’ll speak it not knowing I actually wanted to switch spots. It’s hard being in this school full of hard knocks. Souls that were once firm and soft now turned into distressed rock. I’ll disintegrate, back to the dust I go. For now, this the only thing I know.

Strong, I am the complete epitome. Calm, there’s not many things that can get to me. I figured I’m fighting for a good reason, love I feel that’s a good reason literally. Mind embodies the soul, soul embodies the heart, but my heart is my enemy. 

You are my heart even when I lost it when my grandma died. I’m dead inside. I told them I won’t be slave to this war with you but I lied. All this manipulation of my feelings all I can ask is why? It’s like you give me an inch closer to you just for you to take a inch backwards from me and you know I’ll keep taking inches cause I want you close to me. I admit it was my fault please even the playing field. I sit here and beg the lord to get me through the bullets you send my way cause I’m scared I’ma end up getting killed. When will you just kill me you can do it at any time but you rather see me fight. I know this battle could be never ending, I go to sleep to the thought every single night. I’m not giving up I’ll war with you til I’m down to my knife. Ironic just to feel closer to my heart I’ll sacrifice my life.