Pale and limp on the floor of the shower I lay. A site that can only be described as a murderous scene. I scream out for help, I'm not ready to go I cry into my weeping wrists.
Mum cries to, she doesn't understand why her beautiful girl wants to leave this world, my selfless actions were stopped.
Temporally pieced together, I patiently wait for the men in blue to take me away. They pull at my skin and tug on my limbs, they bark at me to speak but my words won’t show
“I’m a silent freak”
A stranger to myself not okay, I’m not okay. The plastered white walls so satisfying yet so depressing, nothing out of place accept me “the silent freak” So clean and sanitary I feel I’m the dirtiest unearthly thing here.
I’m guided to a cold hollow room where I’m to be seated. Interrogation is what it feels like, They say don’t be afraid, those few words I can’t seem to trust. The unnatural lights beam down on me making me feel so small.
Coming and going the men in blue uniform, they give me question after question till I’m ready to be treated. They ask me why I bring such destruction to my delicate skin,
I simply say im not okay …. and it’s my way to release my minds pain .
My times up they want to send me home. The words that rippled out of his mouth cut me deeper than I’ve ever gone. You’re not sick enough go home! You won’t do it again. Shows what they know I’m at it again my addiction my own self-destruction.
I know I’m not alone and I know that others feel the same
And that's something I'm going to change. They made me feel there wasn’t anything wrong with me. That it’s just a figure of my imagination. I don’t ever want anyone to feel the way they made me feel. I want to change the way they treat people in hospitals. We need inpatient facilities for suicidal teens. We need to take better care of our future generation. We need a complex, a hospital where kids at risk of suicide or that have attempted to end their life, can stay and be in a safe supportive environment. were they can seek the help they need. The stigma around suicide needs to end. It’s okay, to not be okay. Speak up even though your voice shakes.