Alan The Elf

Santa rang me up today
he spoke to me direct
He said:
"I went for a few beers last night,
I'm feeling pretty wrecked"

"I went out with my chief helper,
a naughty Elf called Alan,
we partook of Majik Lager,
he drank about a gallon"

"We hit the bars in Lapland,
Alan asked me for a sub,
we ended up quite sozzled,
In a Lap (land) dancing club"

"Saw Rudolph in the toilets,
blimey what a sight!
Don't know what he'd been up to,
his nose was extra red and bright"

"Last I saw of Alan,
he'd gone off in a huff,
bangin' on about his wages,
and overtime an' stuff"

"He may be very naughty,
but he's integral don't you see,
he scores me all my magic pills,
so I can fit down your chimney!"

I said:
"panic not bearded rotund dude,
cos with fifty quid and a little trust,
we'll have him as right as reindeer,
I'm sending some Majik Dust"

SO:

When they’re stumbling around on your rooftop,
devoid of they’re usual stealth,
don't leave Santa mince pies and Jack Daniels....
It's not good for his ELF!

Meter change on last two verses is deliberate.

Christmas 2012. Written helping my eldest with her paper round.