Ashamed

As time passes

and days drag on,

The hurts so deep

it will never be gone,

Church was always a must,

a place I wanted to go,

Until the night you attacked me

the night i told you no !

So many times

I prayed I'd forget,

cause I blamed myself,

yes, I have to admit,

Thinking I deserved it

thinking I was to blame,

Feeling so disgusted

feeling so ashamed,

What did I do

to deserve what was done?

All I wanted to die

but I couldn't pull the trigger of the gun,

the pain that's inside

just keeps getting worse,

what have I done

to deserve such a curse?

You read about the stories

and you see them on tv,

I thought nothing so horrid

could ever happen to me,

Reality caught up

like a slap in the face,

i still feel every move

the shame I just cant erase,

Every touch every smell

every word that you spoke,

I tried numbing the pain

with every hit that I'd smoke,

But the pains so much deeper

right down to my core,

I remember every second

you pinned me to the floor,

I'm so tired of hiding

all the pain that's inside,

Nights I lay awake scared

all the tears I have cried,

Your the one to blame

so how can it be,

That all the pain you caused

I cant help but blame me,

I could take a thousand showers

to scrub the filth away,

But I'd still feel so unclean

feeling dirty every day,

So please God take away the shame

in your holy name I pray.