Beauty from Pain

I introduced you to the devil, you loved me conditionally. Your eyes looked into his, when you looked into mine.

Willingly I was captive, living a sinners life, being led by temptation, just trying to survive.

The darkness felt comfortable, as it had been so familiar, fear sunk in whenever in the presence of the light. 

But you were different, as I felt the pureness, I made an exception, you were worth the fight. 

Together my best, together my worst, my past baggage still remained my evil curse, I refused to accept it, I was still an afraid boy trapped in a man’s body.

All I needed was a Mother, all I desired was a Father, voids still to this day that provide struggle, fueling  the pain and discomfort. 

I became to much to handle. You wanted a companion, you were tired of the disaster, you could not love me unconditionally and I tried to force it, with my narcissism.

Life became more tragic, it became way more dark. I lost my Angel, along with the passion from a flame our love had sparked.  

You were worth the battles, or so I felt. I just wish I had meant the same to you, the harsh reality was, I did not. 

The demons held me closer, as I endured more rejection. Weak and insecure, they saw a target and latched on even more. 

Alone and hurting, I found courage. One by one, I overcame them. Alone and damaged, I fought battles. One by one, I’m still fighting. 
Poetry loved me unconditionally, through writing I accepted past pains. No more suppressing, one by one I remembered what all they did to me. Without your love, without one fucking hug, without one word of support or concern…

You loved me conditionally, when all I needed was to be loved genuinely. Through the pain of losing, who I thought to be my twin flame, I found beauty and started to change. 

Now I look back with eyes of my own, for the Devil and his demons have one less home. 

Never will I be so weak, nor will I be so fragile, to accept conditional love, because I feel damaged.