Black hearted girl

Lukewarm water doesn’t feel the same it now scorches my skin,
Nothing around me glows as it once did,
I shaved my head bald and I still feel covered in agony.
Broken down in sorrow, these voices are antagonizing me.
There’s no missed calls or letters I have not received,
I feel so alone in this crowed room, like it don’t exist or was never was conceived.
My wings are broken I can’t leave the ground,
When I scream for help nothing comes out there is no sound.
I’ve become so cold and I’ve become so numb,
No feelings left what have I become.
I’m a angel to the world but fighting myself daily,
Trying to heal all the open wounds, beating myself up for others mistakes, waiting for someone to save me.
I look alive but I’m dead inside, I can’t let go I have too much pride.
Like the sun never rises, the moon sits on my horizon,
I see nothing but dark around me, no matter how hard I fight or try to hide, I can’t escape or break free.
All the abuse plays in my head, all the times I was molested and touched between my legs.
All the cheaters and hurtful words, lost close family members and killings or my closest friends,
My life ended before it ever even began, when will I ever get to live.
All these medicines I take to numb the pain, but It only last long enough till I need another hit,
I try to cut myself, I tried pills, drugs, ive drank and even smoked pack and packs of cigarettes,
Lying there dreaming of the light that could shine but I feel so blind,
Im so tired of this dreadful life so I lay here and close my eyes.
But nothing helps this life of terror that haunts me I never sleep, I instead weep,
 my eyes are bloodshot red, but so much still to do and see, I look in the mirror and ask myself who is this refection I see.
 I don’t give up because I know my family needs me and I don’t want them to see me broken down and looking so weak.
So I cover up the scars with makeup, and put on that fake smile,
I dress myself up pretty and continue to live in denial.
Feel like the clocks have stopped ticking and the birds no longer sing,
The fruit on the trees taste bitter they no longer taste sweet.
On my knees begging God to step in and take my broken pieces and make me whole again,
To take all this anger and hatred and that my broken heart can mend.
I don’t want to quit I was built so much stronger, so give me the strength to hold on just a little bit longer.
Let me taste the sweet rain, let my tears flow to renew me and not be frozen,
I know that there is more to this life than this path I’ve have chosen.
God, I surrender to you lord I don’t know what else to do,
I give all my burdens and broken pieces to you I know you mold and shape them into someone new.