Blue Painted Fingernails

I'm falling asleep, quickly  
But I'm fighting sleep
As someone who loves the moon and the stars and the sun, and needs to see all of them everyday,
You'd think I would be begging for rest
But as I settle into my pillow and blissfully shut my eyes
You reach out blue painted fingernails
Wrap them around pink painted finger nails 
Hold on tight 

You didn't even look at me through the dark space between 
But I can hear every I love you I've ever spoken out loud, echoing
My mouth is arguing with my tired brain
I love you's are more serious now
But none of the others seem right anymore,
This pent up I love you is different than the rest 
Quieter, softer, less sharp, less mandatory
This I love you walks on the beach when it's cold outside 
This I love you will sit in a tree until the sky is dark enough to see the stars, playing music I haven't heard before 
This I love you has sharper eyes, redder hair, bluer finger nails, 
Finger nails that wrap around mine and shock me out of a strangely sleepy state
This I love you is a secret, unlike the others 
A whisper between my eyes, ears, and mouth
"Not today though" they remind me

This I love you laughs loudly in the grocery store,
And in target,
And in the middle of the night,
And when she kisses me 
This I love you keeps me up at night, tossing and turning, thinking of how blue and pink fingernails are really pretty paired together 
And when you hold onto my hand when I'm drifting away at night,
I almost forget to hold my tongue 
I almost forget to keep my own secrets
You absent mindedly grab hold of me,

And I'm awake.