Boys consequences

I hate what’s become of me 
As I look back was I ever even happy? 
I wish you could understand my pain 
Maybe even feel the same 
I can’t seem to tame the flame 
Five long years I waited to tell you 
Just to find out you didn’t have feelings 
I hope you never change your mind 
Because I can’t seem to straighten mine 
Lots of people try to tell me Im fine 
But I feel like I lost too much time 
To love again feels like a crime 
You will always be in my heart and mind 
I hope you find a guy you love to death 
And would do anything to keep them there best 
And then come to realize they don’t feel that way 
We all have a price to pay 
For all our mistakes 
Mine was finding love and never being loved 
My chest always feels tight 
I want to make things right 
I toss and turn every night 
Trying to take back the love I gave 
But I’ll be taking this love to the grave 
I lost something that I never had 
I put all I had in the bottle
I gave everything I had plus my life to this bottle 
I sealed the cap 
I want to unseal it and get some stuff back 
But Ill get what I want plus more than that 
First fear will kick in then anger 
For being scared 
I’ll be sad because I want to feel again 
How can I feel so lonely without you 
You never even cared to being with 
That’s something I have to live with 
I won’t lie I’ve thought of taking my life 
But I can’t do it 
What’s next? 
What can I do to get better 
I want to be over you right now 
But my hearts running on auto pilot 
I want to say goodbye but I don’t know how 
So this will have to do for now