Came late to the party

I came late to the party, but I had enough beforehand
To ease the pain of this fake camaraderie 
"Like me! Like me!" This self-regard is fucking unsightly

And somewhere out there where chaos becomes me
A numbness succumbs me and a doom consumes me
I'm fuming in the flames of a fantastic fury
Cast your verdict, you don't need a jury
I've seen the ghouls that sought to choose me
I've met the foes who tried to bruise me
Empty shells that wish you well
These fervent forces kick like horses

How did you get here, by the bad hand of fear?
And as you master your trade, does it hurt to perform?
Or maybe it helps as you ride the shit storm
Places to go and people to please
The mind once there has now ceased with disease
Longing to have and hoping to be
At the root of it all, an aching desire for plasticity

And I recoil at what I'm saying in this impulsive phase
What is this mess I've spilled all over the page?
Thought after thought, always mulling it over
Obsess, re-assess, cut, twist and distort
I'm no better, spouting these words with wincing pretension
in the hope of gaining some unwanted attention
But I hold them up with everlasting sincerity
Not to pay tribute to a world of self-pity

I came late to the party, just in time for the real Horrorshow
A baron wasteland where life cannot grow