Care too much
It's how it feels to open up..
You infiltrated my fortress
You took down my defenses
Your knight has my King in a checkmate
You planted your seeds in my treasury
Seeds that you watered with affection
And spoke soft words to
Nourishing them with every breath
And their roots have grown deep
Impossible to uproot
Entangled in all the crevices of my heart
And even I want to see what grows from them
But I’m scared of you
Your words are too practiced
Too perfect
I’m not scared to fall for you
For I am not capable of love
Vampires sucked it all away
They sliced and diced my heart
The source
So I could never give it away
And my past haunts
Ensuring I never fully heal
I fear you because I have grown to care
And I scare myself
Everytime I wonder if you ate
Everytime I worry if you had enough sleep
Or even slept at all
The kind of concern I could never have for myself
And it scares me
It makes me wonder if
When you finally realize I can never feel more
Than these seemingly small concerns
If you’d want me in any way
Because I’d be okay if you only wanted me as a friend
I wouldn’t be okay with any less
I know I move fast
But life is short
And I’ve already died once before
But I’m scared
And none of your perfect
Soothing words can make it go away
Because the past has taught hard lessons
Lessons I cannot so callously forget
Because my care for you
Can easily be fashioned into a dagger
A tool of destruction
You could cut me to nothing
And my fingers still ache from stitching myself back together
Time and time again before
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Comments
Welcome to Cosmo, Ivy. I pinned this because it is so very relatable... There was a time in my life I felt exactly this. Your words speak of a terrible hurt and the difficult road to recovery. Broken hearts shatter into so many fragments. Love is craved by us all but when it has hurt us so badly in the past it is difficult to find again... difficult but not impossible. Those fragments find a way to group back together. There will always remain scars of course, but even they will fade in time. There comes a day when walls have to give. I love your poem. Looking forward to reading more from you x
Thank you, you don't know how much this means to me..
I've never shared my poems before and I was so scared I was going to be judged for feeling these things. I've always been told I'm wrong for having these feelings because I'm "young" or "don't know".
So thank you
You are very welcome, Ivy. Cosmo is a good place to share poetry. There are lots of people here who have gone through all sorts of things ( judging from their poetry). There are people of all ages and from pretty much everywhere around the globe and I don't think any judge — a few may hold a different view point but that's okay. So please share away and don't hold back from jumping on the Cosmo wagon and get chatting over poetry to people. When I was in a bad place, Cosmo helped me so much and I will never forget that.
FWIW — ignore those who tell you that you cannot feel the way you do — they are not you, they cannot know what you feel and it is not for them to tell you how you should feel. You are clearly a poet so use those feelings and write away x
thank you for sharing which can help us all! welcome to Cosmo!...................................Jim