Childhood Impressions

When I was a young child, I formed a point of view
When it came to grown- ups, I thought
This is how they see you:

The time I was at Infant school
The teachers all liked me
I was well behaved and well mannered
As a child ought to be.
I had cerebral palsy
Affecting my right leg and my right arm
They were protective of me
I never came to any harm.
They were nice and friendly
I was perhaps a bit of a teacher’s pet
They smiled and they humoured me
And all my needs they met.

It was then something of a shock
Some nine years down the line
I stumbled across a school report
Written at the time:
“He hates to be kept waiting”
Was one of the things it said.
“He demands attention when he wants it”
Was another point I read.  (Ouch!).
“He is not a leader
and neither is he easily led”
“He does not play easily with other children:
Prefers his own company instead”
All these things were written
In this school report
And when it came to the points they made
I’d never really thought…

Now I kind of love to hate myself
Looking at the illusion I was under
Sometimes I lay awake at night
And of these things I wonder
Demanding attention.  Not easily led
He prefers his own company…
All these things go round my head
Trying to understand and see.

I don’t say they were wrong at all
But is it good to be self- aware?
Should I be myself or different?
Is it good to care?
Should I try to be something I’m not?
And fight my personality
Or embrace my character
with its various flaws...?

I’m not sure just who to be.

MDC