Consider this dare

Do you consider death is  when palpitation of your heart stops
do you consider it when your brain no longer functions
do you consider death hooked up to a machine that tells you how to breathe and how to eat but still the brain no longer works
Do you consider a dead when you still lying there alone feeling him but he's no longer there
Do you consider it the death of someone when you no longer feel accepted in your own body when you can no longer look at yourself in the mirror and recognize yourself
do you consider it death if you cry yourself to sleep each night and hopes that he will not return but he always does
would you consider death…
no would you consider living
the thought of someone caring about your existence
would you continue to wish to fall into a sleep that will no longer haunt you like this nightmare gone memory of a forever pain
Would you consider death f you didn't 't feel safe in your own home and your own home was your body and your body was what was simply supposed to be yours but were never yours because everyone told  you what to do and hat to feel and how it should be and they were always true choosing and touching and telling you what to do
is it really your body or is it someone else's
is your body an experiment for those who don't know how to love themselves so they choose out their flaw they wish were on you and tell you that you are not beautiful because that is how they feel about themselves?
They say loving yourself is the hardest thing to do but have you ever tried to survive in this world where they don't want you?
They say I should want to live but they shiver and disgusted as I talk about how I feel
I don't feel safe in a world that doesn't let me be who I am without judging me
I don't feel safe walking down the street in my own neighborhood because there are still men out there, who may not be dressed how you expect a rapist to be dressed but they are there
It may not be the man in the shadows  but it might just be family and friends and co-workers and teachers everyone we thought we knew, but didn’t
Does being alive show the hurt because I've never seen a dead body flinch at the sign of someone raising their hand
I know bodies carry trauma
my body cannot tell the story of what I've been through
only my mind can
but I wish it could
Because then
I would no longer have to explain
To the thirty doctors coming in an and out of my room
Why I choose the jump off a bridge,
When no other voice in my mind would.
if I was to die they would be able to cut me
open find out what the fuck was wrong inside
what burned my brain to mush
made my skin feel like someone else's
what made I feel like I was hollowed out by a melon baller
why it felt like all my scars were still bleeding after years of Healing
Why I was in so much pain and fear after someone made a joke
Maybe then they’d be able to understand why the bridge
Was so beautiful to me that night,
Why I choose to jump,
Because who am I to say no to a Dare?