Could this just be a test?

My breath is shaking,
I can't stop grasping,
My chest burns up,
Hatred everlasting.

My eyes close,
My teeth chatter,
Hands shake,
My body falls with a clatter.

Lying there motionless,
Incredulous to the world around,
Yet seeing it all,
I don't make a sound.

So many words on my tongue,
Bit down hard to tranquilize myself,
Scars from past incarcerations,
Feel the blood hidden by stealth.

Feeling still there,
A gaping hole in my head and chest,
Hurt myself more than they can,
Could this just be a test?