I claim no responsibility for my acts,
Your honor let’s look at the facts.
It was a crime of UN-passion,
In a glorious poetic fashion.
He was boisterous as he'd snore,
So loud it made ears sore.
And oh yeah when he ate,
His clicking jaw would grate.
Chewing with his mouth open wide,
Lost appetite, spying mush inside.
When he was done, belching so loud,
Rated a ten cause he so damned proud.
I'd await "excuse me" in a polite way,
He'd quote. "Better out than in, I always say".
Gee let's not forget loads of nasty blasts,
The Q.A.D. ones, a stench which lasts.
Thinking it funny to pull covers over my head,
Attempted murder to stink me dead
Scratching, digging, fondling his balls,
Pensive thinking, maybe a bug crawls
But no, he thought it was an acceptable way,
To play pocket-pool in spite of what I might say.
So yes I plead temporary insanity, I fear is overused,
But I was a little more than put upon and abused.
I’m not done your honor I could go on and on,
I could write a book regarding this nasty spawn.
Sex, gee if you could call it that,
All of two seconds him contented, I got an ass pat.
And, of course, examining his balls,
He got such enjoyment, it drove me up walls.
Throwing his dirty socks at my face,
Complaining I never clean up this place.
Missing the toilet, never raising a seat,
A shock of wet made my life so complete.
And yeah gee I forgot to mention,
The television got its fair share of attention.
He had the remote at all times,
According to him, chick-flicks weren't worth two dimes.
Night after night he'd watch his sports,
Cursing and savoring his disdaining snorts.
Oh, and a cold beer sat in his other hand,
So smugly superior thinking I'm to jump at his command.
His friends what a hoot
Yelling and catcalling to boot
Woman! Where’s my supper, I want it now,
Then complaining as he scarfed like a sow.
"The food wasn't hot enough, we're having that again?"
I'd close my eyes and count to ten.
So I slipped arsenic in his food one night,
A beer he drank killed the licorice bite.
No, your honor, I take no responsibility for my actions,
He had to pay for his numerous infractions.
This was a mercy killing I have to say,
It was for my sanity that he passed away
Divorce wouldn't do, I thought of some poor other sod,
Getting stuck with this Neanderthal bi-pod.
So I throw myself on the mercy of the court,
And ask for your pardon as sole support.
An injustice has been committed I must confess.
May he offer Lucifer plenty of unrest.
Thank you, your honor, for vindicating me,
I sincerely appreciate your verdict of "Not Guilty."