Poem -

Crime of Un-Passion

Crime of Un-Passion

I claim no responsibility for my acts,
Your honor let’s look at the facts.
It was a crime of UN-passion,
In a glorious poetic fashion.

He was boisterous as he'd snore,
So loud it made ears sore.
And oh yeah when he ate,
His clicking jaw would grate.

Chewing with his mouth open wide,
Lost appetite, spying mush inside.
When he was done, belching so loud,
Rated a ten cause he so damned proud.

I'd await "excuse me" in a polite way,
He'd quote. "Better out than in, I always say".
Gee let's not forget loads of nasty blasts,
The Q.A.D. ones, a stench which lasts.

Thinking it funny to pull covers over my head,
Attempted murder to stink me dead
Scratching, digging, fondling his balls,
Pensive thinking, maybe a bug crawls

But no, he thought it was an acceptable way,
To play pocket-pool in spite of what I might say.
So yes I plead temporary insanity, I fear is overused,
But I was a little more than put upon and abused.

I’m not done your honor I could go on and on,
I could write a book regarding this nasty spawn.
Sex, gee if you could call it that,
All of two seconds him contented, I got an ass pat.

And of course examining his balls,
He got such enjoyment, it drove me up walls.
Throwing his dirty socks at my face,
Complaining I never clean up this place.

Missing the toilet never raising toilet seat,
A shock of wet made my life so complete.
And yeah gee I forgot to mention,
The television got its fair share of attention.

He had to have the remote at all times,
According to him, chick-flicks weren't worth two dimes.
Night after night he'd watch his sports,
Cursing and savoring his disdaining snorts.

Oh and a cold beer sat in his other hand,
So smugly superior thinking I'm to jump at his command.
His friends what a hoot
Yelling and catcalling to boot

Woman! Where’s my supper, I want it now,
Than complaining as he scarfed like a sow.
"The food wasn't hot enough, we're having that again?"
I'd close my eyes and count to ten.

So I slipped some arsenic in his food one night,
The beer he drank killed the licorice bite.
No, your honor, I take no responsibility for my actions,
He had to pay for his major infractions.

This was a mercy killing I have to say,
It was for my sanity that he passed away
Divorce wouldn't do, I thought of some poor other sod,
Getting stuck with this Neanderthal bi-pod.

So I throw myself on the mercy of the court,
And ask for your pardon as sole support.
An injustice has been committed I must confess.
May he offer Lucifer plenty of unrest.

Thank you, your honor, for vindicating me,
I sincerely appreciate your verdict of "Not Guilty."
Β 

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Comments

author
Cherie Sumner-Taylor

Lol...It is so nice to see your sense of humor come out....Oh my! Lol I think she got off because the judge must be a woman and sympathize with her very unpassionate life that falls under the secret "he needed killing" law.....lolΒ  Β There is just so much a woman can take!Β  This was so well presented...I would have let her off too...xoΒ  Love n Hugs, Cherie

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author
Marion Price

Wow....such a change of style Lisa, brilliant, you are very talented 🌹

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author
John Astley

Well written and dark humourΒ 
x JohnΒ 

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author
RRG (Rebecca)

OMG Poetess this is so funny. I want to share it with all my girlfriends lol. Bless your heart. I needed this laugh. <3Β 
Β 

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author
Lorna Caizley

Hilariously funny, so many relationships lose they're lusture hahaha

From the words in Chicagos cell block tango
"some men just cant take they're arsenic"
really enjoyed thisΒ 
Love
Lorna xxx
Β 

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author
Lorna Caizley

HAHAHAHAH, who knows...some deathly intolerance maybe???
xx

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author
A Lonely Journey

Red,Β 
You frighten me, but in a horrifying, murderous way...so not the bad way...??!!Β 
Loved it! I like when people put humor things on here, because I try to, and although I forget to put funny parts in, no on still laughs...it's very damaging to my pysche(and I can't even spell psyche! Hey, why didn't it redline it that time? Must be the exclamation point is actually a part of the word...hmmm).Β 
Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, you murdering people. I enjoyed it.Β 

Awesome!!Β 

Matteo.Β 

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author
A Lonely Journey

OH! I put the y in front of the s, in my first psyche!!! Duhh...psycho!!!(you, not me! Kidding! Me, not you).Β 
Miss you!Β 
Mattius.Β 

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author
Terry Kay

LOL,. Best laugh I've had in a long time.Β  Hate to say I can relate. Love, Terry Kay and Thank you!

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