Daddy Issues

Daddy Issues

Written By: Brittny Shaffer

You walk with a limp like you got yourself together, but underneath those perfect clouds you got catastrophic weather and I’m not sure whether to embrace it or if I should just deface it but DAMN dad I LOVE YOU!

Baby Girl

Baby Boy

Life like no other

Left with six kids at home and just that one mother

Life; I live it on my own

Why?

Because we as children we’re kids they disown

Going in every direction

We’re left all alone

No food, no shelter just us at home

Seems like the only time you come around is when we get grown

But other than that you’re gone

Could it be that I substitute lustful infatuation for love? Or simply mistake kindness for trust

Using metaphorical figures to define me, I mean refine, leaving the true me in the dust

CAN YOU BLAME ME?

Can you really blame me for being attracted to niggas who show interest in my existence?

Someone who is persistent, consistent, whose smile break my resistance

WE ALL KNOW IT’S SAYING!

The blacker the berry the sweeter the juice

How will we ever know if the only thing we face is being abused?

Hearts being tortured

Feelings misused

We have not yet come to learn something new

It’s a real feeling I get of satisfaction through common conversation of nothingness

The willingness to waste my time with me means something to me if not everything for me because time can’t be given back

Sorry your interest in my existence was nonexistent I guess in the 90’s being a father was whack!

Am I too bad? Am I too black?

DAMN DAD I LOVE YOU

Respect from woman was worth more than respect from your daughter

If you were her

You were in her shoes

You would probably say abort her

LISTEN dad I am your daughter

I’m supposed to be your baby girl

Your first daughter but I see it’s not enough for you

Simply because you never try you’ll never know what to do

You had nine months which has turned into one now 17

One child left behind, with low self-esteem

You

Your game was just a cattle to kill it was so strong

Now I have to sit here and contemplate on all of your wrongs

Begging for my heart to attend to its brokenness it needs amends too, a man too?

DADDY I NEED YOU!

Looking at guy after guy to cut into some deep hurting pain from my past
Not realizing that they can't give me what I'm missing cause I can't miss what I never had 
I asked God for a brother but I never got em
When I was 8 I wanted to meet my Father but I never saw em
After that, just like everything you cant change in life, you learn to accept
Accept and move on not accept and dwell in it

Yet I found myself looking for what I lacked in a male figure in a young boy
I didn't know it yet but my innocence he would destroy
How can you be sure about love and if you're in it, if there is no demonstration clearly displayed to see
How can i be sure that he loves me for me, not what i give or what i can be but everything that I am if I haven't truly accepted me for me

I long to feel love from a man who created me with his sperm
Not physical love from a boy with a toy in it sperm, I'm talking something long term
Deeply invested in things that cannot be returned or given back
Like time, memories, laughs, tears, words, or the lack...thereof

The blacker the berry the sweeter the juice

But in reality it's the blacker the baby the bigger officer dale shoots. So how would you feel if it was I your baby girl shot by 2 rounds from a handgun or how would you feel if it was your son who was choked out by another superior breed

You want to wait until I'm Dead then try to love me

You want to wait until I'm sick then try to protect me

DAD DO YOU KNOW ME ? I'm your special daughter!

Dad my name is BRITTNY

I HAVE GOALS lined up for my future I plan to succeed indeed

Because my love is so strong for you and you're the reason why I'm here I respect you

However I'll never forget the bull you put our family through

I don't respect your lies nor do I care because of how you made my mother cry tears running down her face dripping from her eyes

You so caught up on what others think of you you're full of pride

Two wrongs don't make a right eventually what's done in the dark will come to the light

But when will you come to realize

You a coward and my love is fading for you

The image of you holding me in the air twirling me around like I was a spacer man in a mini rocket still flies through my dome

Cause when I'm all alone I be wishing for a father

Wanting to spend time with you and cry to you when I'm bothered

But things aren't working out like that

I just want you to be a man and treat your family right

Cause when I'm thinking about my future all I think about is what not to do what you didn't do

Cause every action you show me turn out to be another bad fault and your ways are way to far out of bounds to save my respect for you

Even though I love you pops I can't act like our bond is as strong as my heart

No matter how many times I picked up the phone for you , you never really showed for me

Every promise that you made flew like darts and your target was my adolescent heart so it hurt. Even though we could blame it on the distance we were never really as far apart as the ATLANTIC OCEAN and the RED SEA.

Yet blood is thicker than water. Still not as important as your daughter, you still love me right?

There were time I would listen to people mothers talk about how their kids dad wasn't sh**. Id close my eyes just to reminisce back to the first time you taught me how to ride a bike. Those forever moments that really impacted the rest of my life. If I fell down would you pick me up, I fall would you pick me up again, I guess you showed me how that LOVE can be destructive, that's the reason your baby girl will never be love sick

So dad hear my words

Because of you I will never stay too far from home I don't want to know how it feels to right that wrong. To a child that you're supposed to call your own and you've only disowned them... That's okay, if you can only remember one thing, remember this.... LOVE ME!