Didn’t mean to be a drama queen

Laughing, joking, banter, fun
Defeated, cheated, no, not won
worrying like crazy, yes I do care 
Pointless  back and forth, like a rocking chair 
Always thought it a cop out until I felt
When everything u was strong for, began to melt
Blow your nose make your ears pop Just to breathe
Can’t swallow it’s so hard,  I was so naive 
Yes it’s a thing and I feel to blame 
Because I was a one who said “be strong and be brave”
Now I understand  I hate it so much
Just want it to end, I pray for a touch 
To much too bare, yes you do care 
But too much you a worry wart
And have so much doubt 
All you want to do is be free
But I’m scared to speak or shout
So we lay mourning our once selves as we try  to be the yes
Even though we are stressed,  losing ourselves, yes it is a mess