Every mistake I have ever made.

“I am built from every mistake I have ever made.” -unknown

I am built from every mistake I ever made, every bad grade, and lie I told. From every punch I’ve thrown, every secret I’ve hidden, and every other bad choice I’ve made.  

I’ve heard we make our own trauma in a way, trauma is; When something happens that goes against your ideas of life, and I guess every mistake is a trauma then. Or you wouldn’t consider it a mistake, some traumas are bigger, more impactful than others. Their roots run deeper, their crime, and challenge, against your beliefs is more harsh. Some will break us, and others are like a small shock of electricity. 

I believed, one day, maybe in the near future, or half a decade from now. I’d find love, a boy who saw the world as I do. He would come and he would see me, really see me. Read me like a book. He would take me apart and fix the little holes, love the imperfections, and nurse my innocent heart. 

I was right in some aspects, I met a boy who saw me, and knew just what I wanted to hear. He had me smiling at my phone, staying up until 2 am, he had me wrapped around his finger quicker than I had realized.

In my moment of desperation to be wanted, he led me straight into his trap.

He saw me, I showed him who I was, and he picked me apart. Not with delicate hands like I had once dreamed of, with unforgiving and greedy hands. He took what he wanted and I ran first chance I got, he went against everything I thought of life. He was the unexpected, and I wasn’t sticking around to get sucked into the chaos. Instead, I was sucked into one of my own, the challenge he presented was far too complex for me. In a whack of Thor’s hammer, he broke me. I am built from every mistake I  have ever made, and I am built broken.

-AuthorAAJ