Fear & Self Loathing

I hate mirrors, or maybe the thought of seeing myself. I hate being high even more, only cause I see more of myself. If I could gamble my life away in Las Vegas, I’d still win lucky bastard. I guess it’s gods way of saying sike just to double my money and feel even more plastered. I hate the company of a women, for I am one who doesn’t like to trust. I mean I try to focus on her and put love into it, I’m just more glad she leaves after the thrusts. It’s been a lonely week, lonely month, lonely year I’ve just been a lonely streak. Think I just wanna sit down in a couch so comfortable I sink. Sex some chick whose there for the night and when we’re done she’s gone so fast that I blink. I’m not worthy of love, I think. Am I desperate? My life seems color washed I fade to black if I have to set it. “Nobody will love you” wouldn’t sound any better if I said it. Tiny mistakes ima have to re edit. Trynna find a party they like nah you can’t slide even if you using credit. A decaying life force I should just dead it. Soul on the crap table I’m thinking I could bet it. I bet it wouldn’t be worth much. I feel broken and as a token of gratitude I’d say fuck off to you being a crutch. To you I’m whole, to me I’m in pieces, beat to a pulp I’m crushed. Whoever “fixed” me didn’t do it right I felt rushed. Hell I couldn’t turned gold given the Midas touch. Can’t be dimmed, boy with brains, I’m bright as fuck. But what’s good as having two thousand watt idea if the power’s cut. Don’t pity me. I don’t chase cat or mouse how silly me? Facing blunts thinking how blunt I could really be? The problem with me is currency. That problem is current, see I need to make it urgent, with some urgency. I’m trynna 911 it like an emergency. And have it rushed to my fractured account like an EMT. I must do this immediately. It just fear and self loathing seem to be part of me. I may take pieces out, a little of them whole, some partially. I’m just an extremely miserable person who accel’s at trynna charge particles of his life rapidly. If that causes an EMP, then while fatigued I’m keeping the same energy.