First Burn

Yeah, I was jealous when I saw them together.
Could anyone really fault me? For seeing him,
His looks, his hair, his smile,
how she seemed to laugh and act naturally around him?
Like they'd known each other forever,
As if they'd never been apart, thick as thieves.
I'll admit I was livid, but also a little empty.
I thought I trusted her, in my heart I did.
But, some small part of me nagged,
telling me I hadn't actually ever ASKED her out,
and so I couldn't be angry at her for finding someone else.
And yet, the range of emotions...
Anger, hate, fear, grief, love,
all in one sucker punch to the heart.
I remember walking away, tearing up,
Not wanting to see her with him,
Already making up reasons, excuses.
But, I kept feeling, like I was nothing to her,
to anyone. Like I had no place.
How could I look good when men like him existed,
How could I call myself nice when he'd won her over,
How could I be smart if she'd seen something in him too,
how could I love another when I wasn't brave enough to ask?
He was taller, prettier, braver, and he'd gotten the girl,
While I... I wanted to disappear.
I walked into a corner of the classroom, set down my bag,
and buried my face in it. I was ashamed of myself,
and for thinking I was good enough to date her.
And then I heard the door open, and I looked up,
and there she was, looking at me, worrying.
She asked me why I didn't say Hi to her,
And I froze up, tears still falling.
She noticed that, too, and her concern doubled.
I sighed and told her, she froze too, then started laughing.
When I got angry and asked her why, she smiled at me.
"You're jealous of my Uncle?"
I wish I could've seen the look on my face.
At the time, I imagine it was melting off,
along with the rest of me, 
turning into a puddle of Dmitri...
She was still laughing when she turned to leave,
and smiling when she walked out the door.
I decided then, to do something.
I ran after her, and breathless, caught her hand.
"Can you come over tonight?"
I swear, some part of her flew.
But, she smiled wide and said to me,
"I'll think about it."
She kept me waiting all day, until the very end,
when I'd been sulking, dejected, on the bus,
she plopped her bag down beside me,
and she hugged my arm,
 making me red again as the people around us snickered.
"So where are you taking me?" I laughed nervously,
my brain frantically scrabbling for an answer.
I honestly hadn't thought that far ahead.
"Stargazing." I blurted,
remembering somewhere that stargazing was a great first date.
She just laughed quietly, and I remembered where I read that.
We'd both read the same magazine, together.
I think she knew. I hope she did.
After a moment of silence, She looked at me,
and said the most beautiful words.
"Even if there was someone else, I would pick you."
Even though we rode home in silence,
I could've sworn she'd read my mind.
And wiped away every fear and insecurity.
Maybe that's why I loved her...