give us a smile

i hate my smile
plain and simple

i hate the way my cheeks pull up
rounded out, 
flushed red and jutting 

i hate the way my lips stretch 
pulled thin and shriveled
straining under the effort

i hate my gums
pink and bulbous
the horses bray on the tip of my tongue

i hate my cheshire teeth
in their predatory stance
yellowed out and rotten

i hate the tip back
endless and plummeting
the roar and laughter takes hold

why? why do i hate my smile?
why is this moment that’s thoughtlessly human
plagued by the incessant need of composure

why am i too much?
why is my smile, my laugh too much for you

why does everyone else get to have that freedom
while im chained by the weights of perception
since when did the existence of my happiness 
become a performance

i see myself reflected 
in the grimances around me
in their judgmental scale

so…
rounded cheeks become smooth
stretched lips plump
gums and teeth lying in wait for their prey

“give us a smile”
only as long as you're watching