the empty platter at a feast

“And what do you bring to the table?”

That’s what she asked me
As she sat there, legs crossed
Sitting across from me
Asking the most simple question

I know what she's asking
How do I impact my family for the better?
What is my role, uniquely to me

I pause and think
And think
And think 
And think

And with tears building behind my eyes
I realize

I don’t

I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if i wasn’t born
It’s not too hard when you’re a burden

My brother is perfection
Adding “oldest” wouldn’t change a thing
He’s funny, and smart, and responsible
Everything the oldest should be

My sister is joy
The sweet little girl who’s still figuring thing’s out
It doesn’t matter what she does
Because the love she has for others is overflowing

I am anger
Overreacting and emotional
The need to always be right

I am selfishness
Never thinking about anyone but myself
Painting the portrait of the victim in the mirror

I am pain
Causing problems without reason
Hurting those around me for fun

I am ignorance
Speaking over others
Dismissing what they have to say

I am nothing
Nothing of value or merit
What is an accomplishment if the person who held it lacks substance?
A failure without purpose

Someone who wouldn’t be missed
If they
Were

Gone