Grotesque Affections

I found you
A common goat
And I turned you into a god
I painted a muddy puddle
Into glistening Adonis
Lapping you up
Until drunk on delusion

More base,
Than you using me for sex
More cruel,
Than your discarding of me
Was my use of you
As a muse
Knowing full well you were unqualified

The dream that you could be
Was a work of art itself
My proudest achievement
Which  drowns me in shame
And I recoil
At your grotesque portraiture
Hanging above my mantle

Still, I ask myself
Were you worth it?
You certainly weren't worthy
I suppose productivity
Could justify the mutual torture
Yet your green eyes are all you have

No, the planets did not align for you, love
Truthfully
You could have been anyone
While I'm a bit harder to find
And I don't particularly want to be found anymore

I'd like to be lost
Like sapphic fragments
Deep in the Earth
Laying on the ocean floor
Or burned by a priest
Breath my ashes
And remember me
And what I made of you

Cleanse yourself
In my sacred incense
And accept
That you are still
Just a simple farm animal
Who, for a moment touched the heavens
Which I have shut the doors to
Forever