Happy Birthday

Sometimes I can still smell her sweet aroma,
the fragrance permeates a deep desire inside me,
as though I am also inside of her,
we are entwined as one,
moonlight lovers, blissful but with those subconscious echoes of naivety in our beguiling youth,
which is in essence lustful and warm
I feel her breath fall deeply upon my neck
damp, cold and I shiver and murmur,
but I welcome it like a desert welcomes falling summer rain
then all thoughts of her become invasive
and completely overwhelm me,
I am helpless
and now
I feel sorrow,
more than joy.
I can't help it, I want to remember the good
but a pervasive emptiness fills me in this inevitable void of emptiness
and I become unable to even breathe.
Have you ever loved someone so much they inhabit every atom of your body?
They almost become parasitic,
they feed on the essence of your existence, drain you selfishly without any direct intention.
You have nothing else to live for
All thoughts and purpose become inseperable.
I now only live for her, in fact my entire existence has always been for her.
She is inside me forever, we will always be together, even in new lives, just like we were in our past lives. This I have faith in.
No I feel it so convincingly, that I know it to be true and
we are always together in my mind, even though you're seemingly gone now,
and we can never be one in this lifetime not again now, anyhow and
not the way I hoped we would.
The way I dreamed.

Only the loneliness of her soft voice, whispers to me now,
but it is so,
so incredibly
distant,
inaudible to my ears
I listen hard and with great concentration, but,
I can't hear what she is saying anymore,
I should be able to hear her words,
perhaps they are dark or hurtful?
Filled with resentment.
Serenading tones of abandonment.
Why weren't you there for me?
It is agony,
but I can go on and will never give up on us been together again, because I know I will be with her again soon and we can fulfill our eternal love.
Now I feel hopeless because I am impatient and lost,
revealing my innermost feelings.
Is it all an illusion, or
am I dreaming?
Cruel doubt shadows my optimistic sensibility
My heart is tortured beyond reason.
Where are you now?
Where are you?
I love you and this feels empty
Please answer me,
why am I been punished like this!
Tears flood my soul I can't keep going on like this, I am drowning in despair,
unable to release you from my thoughts,
Also
I am afraid.
Afraid I have lost you
I don't want to exist without you.

Her voice is becoming more fleeting and distant
My memory of her is fading quietly,
but I will resurrect her spirit.

No one can replace you
and I can't live without you.
Happy Birthday
my caged heart sings mournfully,
but these words fall
silently
as the rope begins to tighten
suddenly
and now forever my sweet love,
I will
finally
return
to you
and we also
share a
birthday
too now.
For now I begin to enter
my new life
with you today on your
birthday