Hindsight always equals 20/20

Acuity absent amidst domestic turmoil,
passage of time nsync with diminished
pitched family emotional battles relieves
blinded insight allowing, enabling, and
providing painful awareness incumbent

to mourn the absent paternal maturity, I
reach out with genuine non petty heart
ache aware impact loosed mismanaging
attentive can never be expunged, nor can
yours truly (me) affect diminished rancor

quite understandable, cuz anger gypping
healthy development (body, mind, spirit
triage) during majority, viz mein kampf
i.e. permanent arrested maturation leaves
papa experiencing grievous sadness plus

mixed grabbag (no, NOT plastic) comp
wry zing livid rage, how mine existence
bereft of untested discomfort compounded
courtesy extreme introvertedness linkedin
with immense anxiety, minus self esteem,

self acceptance, et cetera, where torturous
mindset difficult to comprehend decades
removed, when innocent naiveté cleaved
childhood's end aborting short lived bliss,
where loving parents birthed this offspring

neurologically riddled with devastating hear
owing, lacerating...psychologically blistering
pain reflexively found withdrawal into shell
totally detached where human league, family,
of origin, classmates...seemed bajillion miles

away alone within minecrafted bitterly cold
wilderness not accessible by father, mother,
sisters, and then later progeny and spouse,
hermetically sealing myself totally risk averse
to interact, thus invariably penalizing capacity

against growth unwittingly truncating, stemming,
rooting behavior – imprisoned labyrinth castout
never feeling important, especially during early
boyhood, adolescence, young adulthood, and
retrospectively deeming garden variety generic

lad ill equipped to cope with ordinary everyday
circumstances (as grown ascribing unfortunate
series of events) to biochemical and physical
anomalies (most binary non visible) exhibiting apathy
during formative stages deeming life arduous

ordeal, thus self resignation toward attaining
nothing short of failure reinforced with abysmal
academic and employment track record, where
death be not proud donned and trumpeted as
anorexia nervosa inflicting permanent irrevocable

harm even till this very moment dumbly smarting
as more or less solitary, lone wolf dissociated
concerning emasculation, isolation, liberation
never joining the thick of hoopla - deathly off
frayed rejection would slap me upside the head

aloofness inadmissible begetting offspring whose
needs and wants trumped selfishness, thus...
no deliberate intent to wreak havoc upon deux
daughters, the eldest bearing brunt of fallout
while agonizingly struggling - loathe to accept
mental, physical, spiritual deficiencies.