HONESTLY

Life after drugs... that is where I'm at,

Woke up at 50, slippers and cat,

Vague recollection of the years gone past,

Facing reality, scarred, jaded, half mast.

Life without booze, feeling annoyed,

Broken, beaten, utterly destroyed,

Facing my demons so plain I could not see,

Reality check...the demon is me.

The devil inside that takes over your life,

Spat on my friends, battered my wife,

Made me do things I consider sick,

Steal fucking anything, be a total dick.

The list of people I have hurt, upset,

Is never ending it seems,

Permanently conscious of,

the fear, the blood, the screams.

So this is where I am at.

Just the mirror and me.

So..Where do I start?

Do I begin in my head?

Do I lead with my heart?

Try to rebuild, star anew,

Understand peoples needs,

Be In Love with you.

To those I knew and loved, I am truly sorry,

Tell me how I can begin to make amends,

To abused family members,

And insulted close friends.

Barry Swan 2016