If You Were Here

If you were still here I'd find a way
to make you listen to every word I say
I would not look away from your eyes not even once
I would put down my phone and buy you lunch
I would sit with your pretty face in my view
So I could memorize every single little thing about you
I would talk non stop, telling you not to go
Because you are loved so much more than you know
I would tell you stories you've heard a million times
I would try to make you laugh so hard there is pains in your sides
If you were here we would dance and drink wine
I would try to keep positive and be very kind
If you were still here I would sing you a song
One about pain one about healing and one for moving on.
I would cry at the closing of this final day
The one word the lump in my throat wont allow me to say,
Comes out finally pushed out with a sob,
I wonder if maybe some thing changed your mind and I'd done a good job
If You were here with me today I would hug you goodbye for too long
I would whisper in your ear your favorite song,
I would look at your face In to your green eyes
I'd say see you later, then youd start to rise
I would begin to unravel screaming to try.
To keep you there with me right by my side.
To which you speak easily youd speak from your heart
When you say he is the one who has torn me apart
I love you too heidi I promise i do
Id be here forever if
I was married to you.
Tears well up in my eyes
She grabs my face tells me i am loved before saying goodbye.
I watch her walking away
Before disappearing she turns to say
Be good to yourself you dont need me
Remember whatever you do I see.
Live your life be happy your smile is the best
Please know my friend I'm tired and peacefully I'll rest
Besides myself with grief I scream out
I love you Rene My friend I can't live without.
You smile before fading away
You tell me youll be back on my day
If I was watching you settle into the clouds
I would whisper through tears you made me proud.
Heidi Shavill
2019