I’m not

I’m not a victim 
Ofc my mind can be very convincing 
Making me feel sorry for myself
Making me blame everyone else rather than myself 
Making my ego start to think that I deserve something I don’t 
But I’m not a victim
This is not who I am
So I will leave this role at the alter 
And continue to let go of some weight that’s still holding me hostage 

I’m not controlling 
Ofc my mind can make false stories
Convincing me to believe in lies 
Make me fear that my previous experiences 
Will happen again - over time 
Its easy controlling others in fear of feeling the same hurt you once felt
But I’m not controlling 
This is not who I am
So I will leave my past patterns to the one who says “I am”
And continue to let Him remove some weight 
Cause I’m surtan he’ll love to take the fears 
I’ve carried - completely away

I’m not manipulative
Ofc it’s easy after a while to learn all the tricks
And I’m not ashamed to admit I have tried
This cruel techniques 
more than multiple times before 
It sometimes can be very satisfying 
taking revenge on someone who’d hurt you
But I’m not manipulative 
This is not who I am
So I will continue to let some weight go
So God can keep remaking me
To the girl who was meant for more 

I’m not a people pleaser 
Ofc It’s easy giving your loved ones your all
It’s easy putting your own feelings and needs underneath peoples prefences and goals 
It’s easy giving your energy away 
Filling up their cup instead of yours 
While you feel like you’re losing yourself
Cause whos life are you actually living if it’s not for yourself and your personal achievements?
But I’m not a people pleaser 
This is not who I am
So I’m letting this sweet pretend attitude
And fake pleasing tendencies at the alter
I’ll continue to pray that He’ll remove the weight that holds me down 
That He’ll shed His light at my darkest times
That He’ll make me rise back up 
And that I soon will remember who I am in Jesus Christ 

——-

Today I woke up 
Remembering who I am 
I am a lion and I rawr with deep confidence 
I protect my soul and my fears are completely gone 
I speak my mind and put people in place
I expose falsehood and wrong teaching 
I don’t feed the serpant or the enemy anymore 
I walk in the spirit and my fleshly desires are gratified 
I refuse to be temptained 
I refuse to let the enemy devour me  
I resist and he has to flee

I stand out in the crowd 
I’m marked and I’m his light 
I’m proud of the woman God made me become 
I’m proud of everything He walked and carried me through 
I’m proud of being a living example of
that nothing is impossible for those who believe 
I’m proud 
Because when I look in the mirror today 
I don’t recognize my old life 
I don’t recognize me at all 
I’m a new creation and my wings can fly
God transformed me to a butterfly 🦋