Poem -

I'm That Girl...

I'm That Girl...

I wake up everyday. Same routine, same feelings of anxiety creeping up on me. I think to myself that some days are easier than others, but then again maybe it’s my crippling depression that holds me back from fully living life.

If you haven't figured it out yet, I’m that girl who cares what people think of her, I’m that girl who tries to please everyone yet still remains to be seen as the black sheep in the crowd.

Sometimes, I think it would be easier to just blend into the crowd, but I'm still finding myself wanting more out of life then just being another person on this planet. 

I think silence is a blissful curse, if I’m left alone with my thoughts for too long, I’d drive myself crazy. I’d say I learn to enjoy being lonely, but that would be another lie. Even the loneliest of people, don’t want to be lonely. 

My heart is in a constant war with my brain, I’m not sure if I’m loosing myself to madness, but maybe it’d be best if I did. I’m that girl who lacks a backbone to face her fears head on, I’m that girl who prefers for others to need me rather than I need them.

My thoughts are jumbled, always have been, emotional stress is what suffocates my being. Why do I care so much? Why can’t I be so cold hearted? Why do I trust so easily? 

Being left alone seems like a gift, but in all reality being left alone with only your thoughts to keep you company is the worse thing you can do. 

When left to my own thoughts, I sometimes think I’d rather feel nothing than something at all. The lack of living life stunts me from my own creative aspirations.

I suffer with guilt for things that aren’t even my fault. I’m that girl who’s too nice to speak up, I’m that girl who thrives on her own feelings of anxiety to write this down. 

Every day I live with the fear of being alone, maturity seems great, so does independence… but when you’re constantly cast aside for being ‘too nice’, it makes you wonder if the rest of the world is the same way.

So, I wake up everyday. Same routine, same feelings of anxiety. But somehow, in some strange bizarre way, I still manage to maintain a sense of hope. That being ‘too nice’ isn’t overlooked. I’m that girl who hates feeling ignored, I’m that girl who sometimes feels like she has no voice… but, I’m also that girl who’s hopes and dreams begin at sunrise.

If I didn’t have hope, I’d drown in my feelings of anxiety.

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Comments

author
Cleo Tomi Ola

Hi Angel, lovely true write. Loved this lines.
"Every day I live with the fear of being alone, maturity seems great, so does independence… but when you’re constantly cast aside for being ‘too nice’, it makes you wonder if the rest of the world is the same way."
Welcome to cosmofunnel. Warm regards 

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author
James Curtis Geist

Wow.   I feel bad for this girl.  Part of life is growing up - not facing reality or responsibilities leads to neurosis,  or the substitute to healthy living....unless this person is dealing with mental illness.  I feel anger at this person for not dealing with what she needs to deal with -  because I dated a person like this once.    The work does explain the struggle clearly.  The poem illicited a strong emotional reaction for me,  which is a sign of a good poem.

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author
Charlotte

hi ..... well done , so much , for writing this out . it sounds like you really struggle..... but that you can see that you are still a nice person , and  you admit to yourself .. that you have not got the courage to face your fears head on ... i do not think that is your fault .. you suffer with feelings of depression , anxiety , that in itself can make you feel like you do not want to face things / or you feel you ''cannot'' . that is not your fault, i too can relate to this writing , in a lot of ways , i want to be liked but i can and have felt like a black sheep in a crowd, feeling like im completely different to everyone else and that i do not fit in at all. I can definatley relate to a lot of this . This girl sounds very low, lonely and insecure but a really nice person .. just lacking in so much confidence.. a feeling i know , only too well..x

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author
James Curtis Geist

There is a difference between nessecary suffering and unnessesary suffering.....I lived with a person for three years, and in the process of medication,  therapy and going to Codependents Anonymous,  I must say her self-love improved and her confidence grew.   Your poem reminded me when she was deepest in the struggle.  Actually, she was a newspaper reporter and a writer  - with several books out including a book on poetry.   It is in the struggle life has meaning.  I wish you best on your journey,  it sounds like you on the way.  God or the Higher Power is only as far as you are willing to reach out.  It only took me 40 years to get my shit together.....Cheers.

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author
Shirley Rebstock

Hi, when I was young I was very shy.  Two books that changed the way I perceived things was The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale and How To Win Friends and Influence People. Also, memorizing certain Bible verses that strengthened me. You expressed your self well in this write, keep it up on your journey each day.

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author
Samantha

This was like looking in a mirror. Thanks for sharing this with us! I'm looking forward to seeing more from you ? Sam 

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author
WormTendon

So thoroughly scattered abroad are the fragmented people of the highest virtue, that even if one of them finds themselves swimming in friends its only a matter of time before true natures are revealed, distances are felt, and ultimately isolation occurs.  For what it's worth, the isolation is destiny and from it will be birthed the most significant relationships our lives have ever seen as the invisible force of attraction ultimately draws those like us near.

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author
Reannen Ryleigh

You have a gift. I connected to this. Never stop writing. 
please check out my stuff also. With your talent id love your opinion.

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