Insomniatical verse

The darkness and silence that replaced the bedroom light

It may as well have been a starting gun to my mortal mind

Which by now had left me behind

As it rushed from fault to fault

And pointed out to me which I like least

From when I was a coward to when I was a beast

From where I should have started, and when I should have ceased

Relentless and never ending, the show continues on and on

My bed is not for resting but for hiding in the dark

My head is for the testing as soon as the pillow harks

My body shrimps and shuffles to occupy my brain

But every time I close my eyes, its always been the same

Waves of self-hatred, waves of doubt

Thoughts and ideas wasted, procrastinating out

As I watch the clock spinning, desperation takes its course

I HAVE to be up in the morning or my life will be even worse!

And now my mind has found this out, it bounces my brains of its walls

And now the sun has risen again and the early birds do call

And as the sun beamphases its beauty through my window

I feel its warmth lapping against my skin

And even though I know its a sin

I cannot help but to let tiredness in

and so the sleep finally begins

But my life, left vacant and languishing

Must be put off until tomorrow

Where I’ll lie down and face my sorrows

More dreams and ideas I’ll borrow

And in the darkness I’ll make hollow

self-promises

And when I get to the morrow

And my head re-connects with pillow

I’ll punish and regret my assurances

For they are false

As am I

Night time living as a lie

A wraith living in the shadows

A man, a boy, a baby who cries

“Get sleeping tablets” She said

With only good intentions meant

But I have never gone and done it

Cus when my chips have been down, and the vultures gather round

My insomnia drapes its gown

The turbo kicks in and my brains jet fuelled

Every statement, every rule

From my earliest days at primary school

My thoughts crucify me

Internally

Untill I submit and agree

With only darkness left free

Why is that beauty lying besides me

Does she not see?

All these things my mind blurts out

How is it that she has no doubt?

An awesome faith in my ability

But my minds messed up with a disability

And Im not sure of what it is

For when I stop

It persists

Insomnia, depression, PTSD

Is it one or all that has a hold on me?

When your in the woods it can be hard to see

But one day........

.............maybe.......

I’ll see clearly

But until I do, I’ll feel lost and gone

A ghost of myself

Insomnia