Poem -

Invitation, Degridation, the Deciteful End

Invitation, Degridation, the Deciteful End

you are invited 
A tour in my thoughts, a tour of my life,
 a breif moment where you can attepmt to comprehend what I'm feeling inside, 
Yeah it's not want i want to do-   let people in to invade my mind,   but i dont really have a choice when all people do is constantly ask "why?" 

Ill tell you why. 

Father's abusive, mother's illusive, I had no childhood and i couldn't choose it, all i wanted was to listen to music, 

but i had to listen to screams,

 Had to listen to crying, deal with the lying,
 Then Locked up alone in the silence.

 Treated like property, auctioned and sold, At 9 i was spending so many nights out in the cold, 
a broken trailer. 

He wasn't a father, he was a gaoler.

 Why I'm afriad of connection to people who love me? They didn't love me. I was just income, left broken and scared, I Was so unprepared, 
i was a child who was chained to a bed with a bag full of powder next to my head, how is that fair? 

He's something I'll never be,
 his process of thought on how a child can be deffiled is something I'll never see. 

13 years old all i did was cry, wanted to die, controlled by his fist, taking the hits and then slitting my wrists. 
That continued for years till he disappeared.

 16 years young, but i still wasn't young, Holding that metal between my finger and thumb, tryin' not to be numb, then looking in horror at the scarlet sayin' "what have I done?" 

17 i held my breath 
18 had no hope left, for the future
19 i took the pills. 
Was goin' for kills, 
needed a suture, heart needed a booster, i was the victim but also the shooter, wish i realised sooner,  
that its not what i deserved and lifes not a scentence to be served and what i feel isn't absurd and that my fate wasn't confirmed to be what i thought it was. 

I just needed help but i shut people out and im now tryin' to see how good people can be.
Met a guy and he helps me, 
He made me feel cared for, And i started seeing thats what some people are there for, there for me, I'm not alone, and it makes me see that my struggle doesn't need to be reality, it can be turned into just a story to be told. 

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Wow that was honestly deep and sad!! I loved it though!

Tony Taylor

WOW!! ELLIE!!...... what an intense read that was...... and what a positive thing you've done with the light that you found at the end of that VERY powerful poetic narrative......I hope & pray that in some small way that writing this helped you to relieve some of the burden of having to carry around those nightmarish experiences....... you did a fine job of conveying it poetically and delivered some seriously touching phrasing and imagery throughout!!......ALL STARS!!...... well done dear poet sister...... Thank you for sharing that........and......WELCOME to COSMO!!......LOVE & ROCKETS!!......T xo 🐧✴❤

Ellie Schnyder

Thank you so much! Although I've been through tough times, i find escape in making even the slightest bit of beauty out of the hell of those experiences.

Rae Rae

I struggle with past abuse and this has been a wonderfull place while still trying to heal...love the write and respect you for sharing 💚 I was in my feelings when i logged on tonight and you share the same name as my daughter girl you got me amess right now 😂 thanks so much for sharing 💚

Ellie Schnyder

Aw lots of love to you 💜 abuse is a horrible thing to go through but we survived and we are stronger now (: