It's Nolonger a Dress Rehearsal

"Where do these innate assumptions come from?  Not from what we think truest, or most want to do..."
- Philip Larkin

It's nolonger a rehearsal
I have to tell myself:
This is your life.
This is your home.
This is your work.
This is your wealth.

Why am I automatically
So passive?
No sense of urgency?
Little desire to use initiative.
It's kind of strange to me.

I'm in a kind of odd position:
Mildly disabled
(Or relatively mildly)
And Mum- she feels a need to...
Mollycoddle me which can be annoying.

But to be fair
I give her reason to do this
And reason to think that
I couldn't cope without her

And perhaps I couldn't.
So an insight:
I'm a disabled man
Half- dependent on my mother

Who worries and tries
To find social events
In which I can engage
And be involved.

I ought to cook more,
Do more housework
More cleaning and
Overall be more productive.

Somehow I cant stir from
My slumber:
I'm half- happy as I am
But I ought to be more adventurous
As a full grown man.

MDC