Just A Bad Dream

I am having a bad dream again, one that I can Not shake. One that pierces through my mind and jolts me awake, panicked and afraid. 
I am shaking like the leaves on a windy day barely hanging on, because I am barely hanging on to you. Every night I dream of a life where you are no longer here, but instead you are there. It's so dark, & not just the dark from the silent night..but the dark that consumes me with the thought that one day I will wake up and it will not be a dream, but in fact a reality. Sweating & panting with scolding hot tears streaming down my face, like the raindrops on a window falling in every direction, with no direction. I will reach over in a state of confusion, reaching over to  feel you but failing with every attempt..trying to find comfort in the body warmth of you! but all I will feel is a chill running up my spine, as if I had seen a ghost. But I will see nothing instead.. & wish It had in fact been an apparition and not an empty bed!The warmth that once use to bring me my solace and peace is now gone, and I am left clutching these empty sheets. And the only warmth I feel is these god damn tears running down my face, it feels that they have won while I am in last place..they have now gone from scolding, to what now feels like searing hot lava ripping through my cheeks, like you have ripped through my heart. But it's just a dream I must wake up..I must wake up..I keep telling myself synchronizing my words with the rapid beats of my heart, hoping to calm myself down with every pant I am breathing in the thought of you not being next to me trying to breath it out!and once again I wake up to find that it is only a dream, but still with uncertainty filling up my lungs I can not help but reach over to you, still trying to catch my breath to the best of my ability but my hand rushes down to catch you instead. I am now grasping you while gasping for air. Finally breathing out with a sigh of relief that you are still here, because it was only a dream..it was only a dream..! it was only a dream!! I keep telling myself, but what if it wasn't...