Just a Dream

You lie your head
on the hardened pillow.
Your bright eyes dimmed 
from heavy medication.
They walk the halls through the night
watching and waiting
for you to do something stupid.
He's there in the room,
counting the steps till they pass.
A light shines over your face,
and you pretend to be asleep.
Knowing if you speak your fear,
they won't believe.
He leans over and whispers,
"Faggot, faggot, faggot."
You curl into a ball 
and turn your back waiting,
for the inevitable punches
and kicks... incoming.
Blow after blow,
in silent misery,
you weep.
The system supposed to protect you,
leaves you to this fate.
Peers who are weak.
Peers who hate.
The never ending cycle of pain,
in a place you can't escape.
At first you regret the mistakes,
that got you here.
Months and years pass,
and you think,
haven't I paid my dues?
Don't I deserve forgiveness?
Does anyone care?
Have they forgotten me?
You think about your mom,
Crying on the phone.
"Please be good son." 
You hear her voice in your head
as he reigns blows on it.
You remember teddy bears,
and books with a recorded voice.
Reading a bedtime story.
You remember baseball practice.
And your fathers smile as you hit the ball.
Pillow forts and movie days.
A loving family.
Your brothers and sisters.
Walking to school together.
Slowly you break,
your pain overwhelming you.
ENOUGH!
You turn over and fight back,
Unable to stop.
Anger, loneliness, and rage.
You struggle to reign it in,
but the dam of emotion
has broken and your pain
flows on the tattered path of your soul.
You can't be the victim any more.
You can't beat them,
so you must join them,
in their misery.
Because, Home,
is just a dream.