Larry’s Answers To Georgina’s Twit Club Questions From 12/12/16

If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining!

But we’d have to charge entertainment fees.

How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire but it takes a whole box to start a barbeque!

Because the boxes get wet.

A bus station is where a bus stops, a train station is where a train stops, on my desk I have a work station...!

Work stops on Friday afternoon.

I didn`t fight my way to the top of the food chain just to be a bloody vegetarian!

Nor did I to be a vampire.

Why do people believe you when you tell them there are 4 billion stars, yet still check when you say the paint is wet?

Because they are “spaced out”.

The voices in my head may not be real doctor! But they sure do have some great ideas!

I’m not your Doctor, I’m your voice coach.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a crap memory!

Especially if you go to a casino, and roll the dice at the craps table.

The main reason that Santa is so bloody jolly is that he knows where all the bad girls live!!

They live with all the bad boys.

Just laugh at all your problems!...everyone else bloody does!!

Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha!

Never get into fights with ugly people....they have nothing to lose!

But it’s much easier to give them an ugly bruise.

It`s not the fall that kills you...it`s the sudden bloody stop at the bottom that clinches the deal!

So always go “bottomless”.

Always borrow money from a pessimist.....he`ll never expect to get it back!

Especially, if you are “up front” with him.

He who smiles in a crisis has simply bloody found someone to blame!

Maybe he’s thinking about blaming himself.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the journey!

Just to visit him for a short stay though.

Women who can`t hit harder, cheat and just hit lower!

And drive men nuts.

A little boy asked his dad " How much does it cost to get married? " " I don`t know son, I`m still bloody paying! "

But the license was only ten bucks.

Just remember folks! If the world didn`t suck....we`d all bloody fall off it!!

As long as we don’t have to worry about “falling off the wagon”.

Alchoholics like to take life with a pinch of salt...a slice of lemon and a bloody big slug of Tequila!

You forgot a pinch of snuff.

Never hit a man with glasses.... a baseball bat does a much better bloody job of it!

But then you’ll miss, because he’ll see you coming.

To be sure of hitting the target... shoot first and call whatever you hit... your target!

Sounds sexy to me.

I married Mr Right....I just didn`t know his bloody first name was Always!!

You should have married Mr. Left.

To err is human...to blame it on someone else shows management potential!

That’s the major step to becoming a CEO.

If at first you don`t succeed, then skydiving ain`t for you!

But you never have to worry, if you have a “Golden Parachute”.

Some folk hear voices....some see invisible people....others are boring and just have no bloody imagination whatsoever!

Imagine that.

If winning isn`t everything...then why the bloody hell do they keep score?!

To know who loses.

Virginity is like a soap bubble...one little prick and it`s gone!

Au contraire, it generally takes a big prick.

Good health is just the slowest possible way at which one can die!

Put me down for one mile per hour.