Me
There was a time
When I was so low
I found a packet of pills
And decided to swallow
All of them in one go
Downed with some whiskey
Sat on the floor alone
Wishing I were far way
No longer flesh and bone
I wanted to atone
For the sins of man
When he took my innocence
I believed it was my fault
That I was a creature of insolence.
It was my punishment
Something looked out for me that day
The pills did not want to stay
I wretched for two days
And cried my pain away.
Anguish and torment
I was fifteen
And already dying
I survived but I'm not living
Because I keep denying.
My grief, my memories
I am still here, no one knows
Not even my adoptive mother
That I tried to send myself to hell
Because of another.
I dreamt of cemeteries
On the inside, I'm a mess
Outside I am a picture of happiness
My mask is now superglued
Onto the cracked face
Of a stolen little girl
You think you know me
But no one knows
I have many faults
And many ghosts.
I hate this world
The funny thing is, I still feel
I fall in love all too easily
But when they hurt me
My disdain appears instantly
I protect me
I rely on myself, no one else
If I need help, I'll ask
I love who I love and I'm not sorry
No matter on which path.
I finally set myself free
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Comments
Hello FP...
Perfectionists have it hard my friend...
May your struggles and triumphs be a positive message for someone feeling like this...
Great write!
Thank you for sharing...
Hugs...
sparrowsong
Thank you x
My Goodness F.P.!!......the hard truth behind your poetry is worthy of the greatest applause and feedback...... it seems to me your life story needs the spotlight!!...... this is one of the saddest writes I've read from the 'Honesty' realm!......I sincerely believe you have something to share with the world!!...... please ~ don't stop writing!!..... the lump in my throat says I'm correct in my assessment!!.......PINNED!!.....your cyber-friend!!........T xo
I'm very sorry to hear about you losing the father of your child, Forgotten Poetry.
That truly must have been a bitter pill to swallow (no pun intended, I assure you).
But you and I BOTH realize by now that suicide is never the answer. It's merely a band aid which will only exacerbate the situation.
Cowards take the easy way out and run.
Fighters stand up and duke it out for all they're worth.
Nicely penned...
~Dean Kuch ? ??
Dean. Whilst I respect your opinion and I thank you for your comment I must disagree with an element of your statement
He wasn't a coward, he was ill. We were no longer living together and his illness coupled with loneliness I guess ,created a dark hole he couldn't get out of.he doted on his little girl. He would not have left her behind so carelessly.
I wasn't referring to him.
I was referring to you and me.
You see, I had a .357 Magnum jammed in my mouth ready to pull the trigger.
So, have been there myself.
I could tell you what stopped me but you would never believe me if I did.
Take care,
~Dean
Forgotten Poetry: I know of these feelings you write about here, I have come so close to ending my life but there is always something that stops me from following through. I think my ability to write stops me now. Your words are like salve to a scarred soul. thank you for sharing
If no one around you can provide the love you need to survive, always remember that you are never alone. Words on pages, always a better release than that from life itself.
poetry from the souls pen-- keep writing -i def will read more
a beautiful poem , sad but beautiful, but pain and sadness felt my eyes when i read this poem ... brought memories of my past,
I understand..?