MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE- TWAS QUITE THE NIGHT

T’was the night before Christmas
And in each of our rooms
The aroma, of smoked meat
Hung in the fumes
 
The sausage was hung
In the fireplace with care
In hopes that the smoke
Would cure it, right there
 
The children were sleeping
All tucked in their bed
As the scent of Kielbasa
Did waft through their head
 
With mama in apron
And I in my toke
I was turning the meat
Trying hard, not to choke
 
For hours I sat there
As the Kielbasa cured
Tried holding back
While my hunger endured
 
Then, my tummy rumbled
With such a loud clatter
I just had to fix
Myself a platter
 
And what should I find
To fill my round belly
But rows of cured sausage
Just hanging there, really
 
A bottle of wine
I think a Chablis
My wife had provided
I know just for me
 
When out on the yard
Arose such commotion
What was the cause
I had no notion
 
My way to the window
I made thru the smoke
Pushed open the curtains
And took a good look
 
I saw hundreds of tracks
On the new fallen snow
And dozens of creatures
In the moons glow
 
There were dogs and wolves
Coyotes and cats
Bears and red foxes
Wolverines and rats
 
All of their noses
Were up in the air
I was amazed
By how many, were there
 
All were just staring
And licking their snout
Saliva just dripping
Their tongues hanging out
 
Sniffing and scratching
And baring their teeth
Must have smelled sausage
That’s my belief
 
They jumped at the window
When they saw me there
Scratched at the glass
And gave me a scare
 
They’ll eat us alive
My wife at me screamed
They’ll soon break the window
Or so it seemed
 
I pulled at the curtains
To get them shut
Of course, pulled to hard
And so, broke the strut
 
Thus down they all came
In one great big mess
My wife was not pleased
I must confess
 
Just then from the chimney
Came a boom and a crash
And down fell Santa
All covered in ash
 
As he staggered ahead
He got caught in the string
That held all the sausage
Poor, chubby old thing                                                                                                                    
 
Now covered in meat
As well as the soot
He started flailing
And gave out a big hoot
 
Then down the chimney
Fell a large raccoon
I wondered if Santa
Was to rabies immune
 
I grabbed that poor thing
By the scruff of the neck
And said to myself
Oh what the heck
 
I’ll skin it and smoke it
Just like the rest
Give it to Santa
When I wish him, my best
 
But, to my great surprise
Santa got loose
And the words from his mouth
Sure were profuse
 
So back up the chimney
He shot with a snap
Just by giving
His nose a small tap
 
When all of the noise
Had finally subsided
The kids ran out
From where they had hided
 
And that’s when we heard
Old Santa screaming
“Move your ass reindeer”
“This place is teeming”
 
We ran to the window
Where we all could see
Poor Santa running
As fast as can be
 
The hoard right behind him
As he jumped in his sleigh
The scent of smoked meat
Had sent them, his way
 
The reindeer were running
Trying hard for some air
While poor Santa’s clothes
Were almost stripped bare
 
Then after much effort
The reindeer took flight
While the hoard, stopped and watched
As they flew out of sight
 
And I can recall
Poor Santa exclaim
“That stupid old Pollack”
“Has done it again”
BOEMS by JA 307