MY ABSENCE (BASED ON THE VOICE OF MY FATHER)

My Absence
I was mid adolescence when I found I’d be your father, Saffron
I didn’t know what to do…
And who’d of ever thought I’d have a daughter like you?
That grew to be such an admirable woman
It’s not that I didn’t want to be there for you, I just…
Couldn’t
I’ve got a dynasty now and I can’t tear that apart
To have you waltz into my life now because I was afar
So, I have to keep my distance, I can’t accept responsibility
I do think about you occasionally and I hope you forgive me
I wish it was as effortless as maintaining a bond
But I’ve got three other daughters and of these I’m more fond
It’s been 21 years and you didn’t need me back then
So, stop worrying about me and relax in your zen
I’m a desultory, middle aged, self-proclaimed family man
I don’t want to be there even though that I can
Everything I said before was a lie
I don’t think about you ever and why would I?
Your mother was a one night-stand, a mistake
And before I could say no to a child, it’s too late
You entered this world and I packed a bag
I don’t want to be your dad
Don’t text or call, bother me anymore
I am absent now and forevermore
 
(This is a poem wrote by myself structured in a manner as if it is written from my father to myself, I will be working on a reply poem shortly)