My Journey

At 30 years of age 
I still remain chained 
To a childhood
Black Plague 
Looking back now 
I see all the mistakes 
I feel sickened by the acts 
I cannot believe I missed 
THE OBVIOUS 
But it wasn’t me 
AMIDST the PATTERNS 
High-school dropout 
Teenage pregnancy 
16 year old dad 
EMANCIPATED 
runaway
Paternity established 
GED obtained 
Working 2 jobs
to provide for them 
My girlfriend and son 
She left me 
We separated 
She cheated while I worked 
I guess it’s boring 
being home alone all day 
Custody battle 
We share joint custody 
no child support order 
WE ARE EQUALS 
Co-parenting now
for going on 14 years 
A failed marriage of 7 years 
I went through 
and when she left me 
I went off the deep-end 
GONE 
I MOVED TO VERMONT 
after working a sale there 
I lost all communication 
with all my loved ones 
4 months of this 
living astray 
out of a suitcase 
working non-stop
I crossed paths 
with my last love 
We locked eyes 
and they never separated 
I moved in with her 
and together we 
helped each other 
My son Nick 
came to live with us 
She made me 
a better man 
she gave me 
PURPOSE 
She fought me 
tooth and nail 
For she knew 
I needed to prevail 
From past pain 
from a current brain 
from a heart crushed
from loved ones hurt 
She fought me 
but no-matter what 
I REFUSED to 
OPEN-UP 
Until it was 
TO LATE 
Nick goes back 
to be with his mom 
in Indiana 
I stay back to 
figure things out 
I move out 
We try to 
work things out 
Failed attempt 
after failed attempt 
We finally gave-up 
Amidst Covid 
with no job 
I go crazy 
within 
MY THOUGHTS 
Her words 
replay in 
the back of my 
MIND 
GET HELP 
Im drinking heavy 
to drown the pain 
afraid of possibly 
a necessary CHANGE 
REQUIRED ? 
I fall back to
an old acquaintance 
I remember my previous 
HEARTBREAK 
POEMS ON A WEBSITE 
From 2014 
now it’s 2020 
I reset my password 
and make a new login 
COSMOFUNNEL 
I start identifying 
my past troubles 
dissecting them 
inside and out 
Writing every scenario
I can remember 
day in and night out 
NONSTOP 
THE THOUGHTS KEEP 
COMING 
MY MIND FEELING  REFRESHED 
With each escaped memory that was trapped 
From the time I wake up until I go to bed , I am drinking and writing poetry from my childhood past 
My identity then 
REBORN-ROB 
freestyles, narratives, tragedies, romance and every other style you can think of 
All wrote in blood from a kid trapped within my skin 
I even started to freestyle RAPS 
knowing through my journey I learned one thing and that is to just let your mind release things freely without attempting to dilute the feelings or emotions and afterwards listen or read back and you will
LEARN SOMETHING 
ABOUT YOURSELF 
Everyday I felt a change taking place , clearing space amidst my mind 
My brain retraining itself to not be such a bad guy
My heart starting to desire change from hidden bitterness to calls of forgiveness wanting to be ANSWERED 
THEN .... came a dream 
MY GRANDFATHER YELLING AT ME ....GO HOME ! 

Off to Indiana I go , against my wishes as I’m now forced to face the culprits that created 
THIS VICTIM 
But to be close to my son 
it MADE SENSE as I want to be for him THE SUPPORT I
never had in an EFFORT 
TO BREAK THE PATTERNS 
FOR THE FUTURE 
GENERATIONS 
AND NOT JUST ME 
therapy sessions now along with poetry still , music still being made , exercises still being played , SUPPORT IS
STRONG 
But now it’s 
TIME TO MOVE ON 
RIP REBORN-ROB 
He was just a character made up to help ACCEPT the bad 
CHILDHOOD MEMORIES 
In an effort to heal from 
the pain I was a victim to 
for many years without 
knowing although showing
THE CONSTANT SYMPTOMS 
     So I deleted the profile along with all 450 poems ! They are no longer serving a PURPOSE they have achieved their goal 
by helping a trapped boy inside a MAN LET GO AND GROW 
now it’s time for other traumas , habits and vices 
That’s where Shallow Waters 
came into play 
Shallow meaning I’m able to stand , I feel it’s possible unlike before when I was in the
DEEP-END 
So yes my name is Rob 
technically 
Robert James Grove 
but that’s the end result 
as that’s who I will be 
WHEN I HEAL 
FROM THE FLAWS 
I WAS GAVE , and I WILL 
but until then 
I REMAIN 
IN SHALLOW WATERS