My Marathon

Sins fill the air with temptations lust as it brushes against us all from the dust within the wind 

Whispers go unnoticed by some why others are not quite as blessed to be able to not give in 

Different upbringings, past situations, multiple variables all could be to name or blame 

However the measure we all at some point realize we can change and rearrange ourself 

Prayers answered for those who find the call sooner than later, better late than never though

Times hands forever moving in a direction that works equally against us all and our efforts 

Face the demons, find the answers and break free from past patterns and catch time 

For if you don’t it’s a guarantee eventually it’ll catch you wether you are ready or not to go 

We can look at ourselves as we project or we can project the reflection we want to look at

When love for self is achieved the soul is relieved and all else slowly falls into place naturally 

Morals are raised, values are introduced, faith is praised as we become our best self 

I used to envy others that were born to a life with a strong foundation and support 

That was before I could realize the beauty in pain and the strength in myself to change 

Never ever will I take mental health for granted nor a good moral compass leading the way 

Every battle, every fight, every obstacle I have overcome a true victory in my journey of life 

I have learned you can’t earn the reward if the effort behind the sword isn’t genuine desire 

I tried before to win the war but slowly realized you cannot conquer all the demons at once 

Little by little with each battle I pick apart one flaw at a time hoping to become a better man 

Childhood trauma is still known but no longer present bitterly blinding my faiths eyes 

My past relationships all on good terms my mother and step-dad forever forgiven 

Slowly building & strengthening our entire families wealth with  unconditional love 

Something I’m realizing I have been missing and enjoy dearly to be able to be a part of 

Faith forever missing with periodic acquaintances here and there throughout 31 years 

Never to long to make a difference but moving forward I must be more committed 

This coming Sunday will mark the first day that my son and I will try a new church of God 

With hopes it will be a good fit based on other friends that currently go and invited us 

However if not then we will keep trying other ones until we can call one our home too

The final straw among all of the calls I will try to defeat I think will be easier with faith 

To break free from the chains of alcohol and although I have slowed down a little bit 

I realize it’s had such a bad impact on my decisions from the past that I’m resentful to it 

I’m hoping through my journey of faith it will help defend my choice to not cave in 

Goals are made, plans in place, options outweighed so these changes can last 

A smile on my face, a confident spirit, a cleared mind and hopeful heart I remain 

For these changes and battles are not just for myself but also my loved ones and future love 

My desire for a relationship is way more important than to remain the same guy I am 

My sole motivation as I cannot stand to be alone but not because I’m not happy 

But rather I want to express the love I have to offer by providing someone else with happiness 

Nothing will be forced nor will be sought until I have overcame all my weaknesses 

Every-time I have the urge to drink rather than give in I will reply with a new inked poem 

Every-time the wind of sin brushes my skin I will not listen but rather write what I stand for 

For I know what I desire and the fire from within has never been burning so hot with passion 

By accomplishing these two flaws it will naturally call to my third and last imperfection 

My ability to forget about the better for others when instant gratification calls out my name 

This is a tough battle because I know I am a good father and my son never goes without 

However a better life  I could provide for him and be a better example for him to witness 

These aren’t easy adjustments to have to notice when you care so much about self image 

These are not easy talks to have with yourself but most definitely necessary to grow 

Others looking in might think how can someone be so messed up and lost in life 

I said the same thing to myself for the last 20 years as I tried to hide a guy I wasn’t proud of 

There are without a doubt others to that I feel for knowing how hard these changes are 

You all as my witness I will prove it can be done giving all others hope from a bad 

CHILDHOOD