My name is Christine

Tomorrow the pain will leave
Tomorrow your words
Won’t affect me anymore 
So soon yet tomorrow 
Never comes 

Midnight strikes, yet it feels
The same. The sharp
Words still hurting my 
Aching heart. The tears 
Not ready to say their goodbyes
And the thoughts that 
Keep on calling my head
Their home.

Eyes are feeling heavy 
Yet the shadows don’t 
Let them lay off the burden 
Heart feeling tired yet 
The world doesn’t let it rest 
The knot in my stomach
That won’t let me relax.

Hoping at 3am for the guilt to stop, for the demons to leave 
For you to stop hurting me.
No matter the time 
No matter the place 
My thoughts keep on 
Rushing to you. Like a drug
You crawl into my mind 
And won’t leave. 
Your words as painful
As the knife going through my chest.

I pray to someone
To come to see that not
Everything is the way it seems 
To be. Not every smile is real 
And not every tear just an overreaction 
I hurt and I hurt until I finally brake
Until I give up on the world
Give up on the thought of 
Someone saving me. So 
Again I just smile and say 
“Hi my name is Christine”