The feeling

The knot creating inside
Her chest. Mind racing here
And there. Thoughts filling her 
Heart with despair. The foolish 
Human who thought it’s smart to love.

To love her bad side to love her
Sadness to love the moon and to love the darkness. The sadness who became her friend has swallowed her deeper than she thought. Made her numb to all the feelings but not to pain
The pain never leaving her chest that grows with every breath. She fell in love with the devil who promised to never leave.

The devil that makes her feel
At home. Just like she has a place that she finally belongs to. Yet it makes her wonder if it’s worth it.If the fake acceptance is worth the pain she feels in return. If his deceiving
Words are enough to make her stay.

Yet the devil never brakes his promise. He stays with her and follows her like a shadow lingering even in her
Happiest thoughts that hint of sadness he brings in her life. Non the less the despair is what makes her feel alive.The pain reminding her that she is 
Still here,still breathing.

Looking in the mirror everyday 
She tells herself it’s okay.
The misery will pass the pain will leave and her heart will heal. Falling into a routine of lying to herself. That the devil will leave. That the feeling is temporary. Yet her mind is so numb to feelings she 
Forgot how to be herself. She can’t distinguish between her own thoughts and the thoughts society implants in her mind. 

She feels lost. Like everyone has found their own path and she’s still stuck at the beginning. Watching others pass her by as she hopelessly screams for help yet no one hears.